


The second journey

by Everything_Once



Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-14 10:01:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 36,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29294079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Everything_Once/pseuds/Everything_Once
Summary: The girls got off the island more than a year ago. And if most of them kept contact or are even seeing each other sometimes since then, Shelby isn't. She immediately decided to cut all ties to the girl, the island, or her relationship with Toni. After receiving their financial settlements Fatin decided that it was the perfect time for a 2weeks reunion at her place. Everyone is going to be reunited for the first time...
Relationships: Fatin Jadmani & Leah Rilke, Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe
Comments: 54
Kudos: 147





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> After reading loads of stories here I finally decided to start writing one myself. I hope it will be enjoyable for some people here. Also i wan’t to express the fact that English isn’t my first language so please excuse all the mistakes; I’ll try to do my best though.  
> Obviously I don't own any of the characters, this is a fanfic based on The Amazon Prime's The Wilds (2020).  
> Feel free to leave a comment to tell me what you think about my story so far, and maybe express what you wanna see/read in the next chapters.

## Shelby

As soon as she stepped off the plane, Shelby’s feels really anxious. No wonder why though. Last time she was there was more than a year ago. It was the day when the unthinkable eight, as the media and people love to call them, were returning home from their trip to hell. It was on that very same day that she decided to distance herself of everything that ever happened on the island. Well to be more honest she more specifically decided back then to distance herself from the girls and especially from the one she misses the more - and hasn’t even been able to pronounce the name since that horrendous day.  
Well not all the girls though. She has kept sporadic contact with Fatin. Keeping contact with her was both convenient and evident. Convenient because Fatin was now her only way to have minimal updates about the girls and more specifically The Girl. But more so evident because Fatin was the only one, still, to know about them and the relationship that blossomed on the island. 

During the last year, there hasn’t really been a day were Shelby didn’t question her decision. It keeps her awake at night most nights still. It has been really hard. But the fear of peer/community/family pressure, deception and unavoidable rejection hit her like a fucking wall the exact second she spotted her family in the arrival lounge of this bloody airport. This fear that has been slowly reduced day by day on the island, becoming almost a very distant whisper, started eating her alive as soon as she saw them. So, without even a last word, touch or worst even a fucking look she left her, them and almost everything behind her, walking back toward her family, her lies and the now omnipresent pain she feels. Her decision wasn’t only based on this fear though. She knew deep inside her that she wouldn’t be able to come out, fight for the girl and mostly for herself. The giant forest of lies that she has build up for years now to protect herself and her secret was too big to be destructed. Knowing that she couldn’t bear the thought of deceiving the girl she loved, the girl that teach her what true love really was. She was so sure of that. Keeping her, them really, in the closet and deceiving and hurting her like that was not something she will be able to live with. She was so weak. She hasn’t even been able to tell the girls back on the island, when she was safe and so far away of all those lies and expectations for fuck sake... Even with Fatin, it was mostly implied that openly discussed. And even between the two of them, their relationship wasn’t really discussed. For once in her life, being on that island, she decided to feel, to live and to love instead of thinking and analysing things. That probably was a very mistake right from the beginning. But all that was over as soon as she was back being Shelby Goodkind instead of only Shelby or Shelbs when it was only the two of them. 

But now wasn’t the time to regret that decision though, now was the time to face all of them again. She really thought that she will never have to do that again. No such luck though. Thus, as soon as the settlements have been announced, Fatin called all of them to organize a holiday/reunion to celebrate their victory against Gretchen Klein and their newfound wealth. Fatin has just bought a four bedrooms mansion in Los Angeles. Shelby briefly smiled at the thought that it was right on the beach, ironic much...  
She was really reluctant to go at first. Obviously. But after hours of convincing and the promise that she will share Fatin’s Bedroom, she caved. Fatin also told her that it wasn’t a plot to reconnect the old lovers but truly an opportunity for all of them to turn a page about what they’ve been through on that island. And Shelby knew that she needed to see them again, she was missing them so much. She also knew deep down that she needed to see her again to be able to continue to live the fake life she has resumed. Truth is, she needs to know that T is doing alright and that she hasn’t really hurt too much the only person she ever cared so much about. She’s hopeful that it will help herself to feel a bit alive again, for the first time in more than a year. But at the same time she can’t help to be really apprehensive about the whole experience.

## Fatin

Fatin feels really happy and complete again since the girls have started to arrive at her place a couple of days ago. Truth be told there were some obvious tensions at the beginning but things were now almost as they were back on the island. Well except for the main tension, the one between Toni and Martha. Ever since Shelby turn her back to them all and particularly to Toni, the former basket ball player decided also to progressively cut ties with everyone, even Marty. The former besties drifted apart slowly after that and 6 months ago, right after her non-graduation, Toni even decided to move to Los Angeles. Toni’s decision of moving out marked the end of Toni and Martha’s friendship.  
Fatin immediately offered the girl to room with her, but Toni obviously declined. She found a shitty one room apartment in one of the worst part of the city. A few days after arriving in LA she found a part time job in a small pub. She called Fatin back then to tell her that she got her life back on track and was doing way better now. 

That didn’t prevent Fatin to keep an eye on Toni though. And Fatin wasn’t happy with what she witnessed. The being back on track was such a bag of craps. Toni’s wasn’t herself anymore; honestly she wasn’t even the shadow of herself nowadays. Fatin immediately realised that Toni has been heavily drinking most nights than not, partying like her life was now depending on it and sometimes she even indulged pills and or drugs. To say that Fatin was worried for her friend was such an understatement. She wanted to help so badly but has no idea how to do it or even where to start. She didn’t know what was killing Tony the most: not seeing Shelby anymore, the memories of what they had back on the island, keeping their relationship a secret from everyone, or being rejected/abandoned once again... Gosh no wonder the girl was so down! 

Fatin took earlier on the decision not to tell the others that Shelby was coming as well for their little reunion. That wasn’t hard to hide considering that Shelby disappear from everyone radar since being back, she wasn’t even a part of their whatsapp group. Nobody knew what she was up to or even where she was at. Fatin feared that Toni would have bailed on them if she knew that Shelby was going to be there. And even though Fatin considered Shelby her friend just as Toni and each of the girls, right now, she knew that Toni was the one that needed her and the force of the group the most. Hence why she was the only one aware that Shelby will be back with them, and all the girls thought that she went buying alcohol for tonight and not picking up the Texas Girl at Lax airport right now.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After reading loads of stories here I finally decided to start writing one myself. I hope it will be enjoyable for some people here. Also i wan’t to express the fact that English isn’t my first language so please excuse all the mistakes; I’ll try to do my best though.  
> Obviously I don't own any of the characters, this is a fanfic based on The Amazon Prime's The Wilds (2020).  
> Feel free to leave a comment to tell me what you think about my story so far, and maybe express what you wanna see/read in the next chapters.

## Shelby’s PoV

As soon as I enter the arrival lounge I spot Fatin. Our eyes immediately found each other’s and we are both smiling. The experience we shared is probably stronger than all the craps and lies I’ve been immerging myself with for the last months. A part of me wants to stop all of that and become Island Shelby again, but that part is always fighting an hopeless battle against all my fears and my religious background. The more it goes on the more I’m starting to feel that there are actually two very different Shelby within me and I might have lost my favourite one in favour of keeping my family, my friends and the comfort of my life back in Texas. That’s how week I am.  
Fatin is approaching me and even though I’m anxious about what she might thought, or worse say, as soon as she is closer I engulf her in a bone crashing hug.

##  \------- 

\- Yo Princess Texas, are you trying to feel me up in the middle of the airport? Not that I’m complaining though...  
\- What???!!! Of course not, I’ve just really missed you and...  
\- Ever heard the word jock, girl ?!!! And by the way I’ve missed you too. But I’m not the one refraining all form of communication for months now, am I?  
\- Yeah I guess I deserved that. I just needed to clear my mind of some things before contacting you or the girls again. I needed some time with my family and my people you know, to find myself again after what we’ve been through.  
\- We’ve all been through the same craps back there you know.  
\- Fatin, I wasn’t really talking about the whole lab rat experiment...  
\- Oh I see. Listen about that... I told you once already that my lips are sealed and they will be for as long as you want them to be...  
\- Forever Fatin ! It was a big mistake and I don’t want to think about it...   
\- No, Shelby. Listen, girl, I don’t really understand your decision or even agree with it but I love you enough to respect your choice, but you can never say something like that to Toni, ever! It will crush her forever for fuck sake! If you ever felt something for the girl, I mean anything, friendship, compassion, or even god forbid love just let her be, please. You can hide yourself from the truth and your feelings but please never dismiss hers.  
\- Sorry, I didn’t really think before opening my mouth, it’s just that I’m so on edge about this reunion...maybe that coming was a mistake all along.  
\- No! We miss you, all of us! Also to be completely honest with you i haven’t told the others that you were coming.  
\- Afraid I will bail on you at the last minute?  
\- Something like that yeah...  
\- I guess I’m just full of surprises then.  
\- That’s the least you can say Pageant Girl. Ready to face the storm?  
\- Not really, no. Is it too late to change my mind?  
\- Yes, don’t force me to use handcuffs on you, you know I will.  
\- You actually got some ? No, scratch that, I really don’t wanna know.

## Shelby’s PoV

Fatin and I kept chatting during the ride to her place, as if we only parted our ways yesterday. It feels so good and also it helps me relax a bit. As soon as we arrived I follow her to the frontdoor, impressed by the place. She’s about to open it when I put my hand on hers. She seems surprised.  
\- I just need a few seconds to catch my breath, before I enter the madness...sorry.  
\- No worries, take your time. You can open it when you are ready.  
\- I’m not sure that I will ever be ready...  
As soon as I’ve said that I open the door. I immediately spot Leah seated on a big fluffy purple sofa, reading. So typical of her, and Fatin too I guess. Rachel is watching some sports on the TV. Dot, Marta and Nora are in the adjacent kitchen, organizing what seems to be some cocktails and snacks. But she is not there, yet... All the girls are occupied and noone sees me. I took a step back but then I feel Fatin’s hand on my back pushing me a little bit inside.  
\- Look what I’ve found on my way!  
Suddenly all the girls turn their heads in my direction. I almost lost my breath for the millionth time today.  
\- No way!  
Martha is still as enthusiast as before and she’s immediately engulfing me in a hug, soon joined by Dot, Norah and Rachel. Leah stays on the sofa and just nod at me. I guessed that I deserve that. When suddenly I hear footsteps... I wanna turn my head and look at her so bad, but I also can’t do such a thing without it being suspicious, I guess, so once again I fight myself. I can almost feel the exact moment when she sees me for the first time. She catches her breath, her whole body tighten, and she stops walking for just a second. Fatin and I probably are the only witness of her reactions considering that only a second after she’s putting a fake smile on her face. But the usual glint of her eyes, I remember so vividly, is missing. She puts a mask on. Fair Enough. I guess that two can play that game after all. I thought that I've mastered that but she's giving me a run for my money right now   
\- Look like the prodigal princess is back, she says with venom.  
\- T, don’t start! Fatin immediately interjects.  
\- Takes one to know one... I hear Martha murmur.  
I look questionly at Martha, sensing some obvious tensions between them as well. But Martha just shrugs and goes back to the kitchen.  
\- Seriously Girl, where have you been all along, you weren’t taken hostage again by another shitty organization right?  
\- Nope, sorry to disappoint Dot but my life is not as interesting as that. I just lost my phone, and then I just got caught in an hectic life being back at home and all and I just didn’t take the time to try and reach you or contact you in anyway. Hence why I immediatly wanna address you all to say how sorry I am about not staying in touch. But I guess that now than I’m here I can make amend and we can try to reconnect.  
\- Hey, you’re only human after all, like we all are. We all make mistakes. And I guess that admitting your faults and being there is already a huge step in the right direction, says Nora, always trying to de-escalate the tensions.  
\- Thanks Nora I respond.  
\- Yeah preach Nora, preach! We have lost too much time already so let’s just focus on celebrating our revenge on that Gretchen Bitch! Yay! Also girls where are the cocktails that were promised me before I went to pick up Pageant Queen over there? I’m so thirsty right now! Fatin says, putting her arms around T., probably trying to calm her.  
\- Yo girl, we are all filthy rich now so none of us ain’t your bloody maid, if you’re thirsty just help yourself!  
\- Oh Dotty, I love it when you’re going rough on me!  
\- God, don’t encourage her Dot, laugh Leah.  
Everyone starts to walk in the direction of the kitchen, except her. I stay behind and I try to approach her. I guess that I just want to bury the hatchet between us as soon as possible and explain to her that I want us to be as civil with each other as possible. As soon as she decipher my intentions she raises her hand at me to make sure that I can’t come any closer. Her gaze is so full of venom. Even when we were fighting back on the island she never looked at me with such disdain. I immediately got goose bumps fearing what is about to happen.  
\- You wanted nothing to do with me anymore, right? I guess that once again you got lucky Princess! Cuz now I definitely don’t want anything to do with you anymore. You wanted to get rid of your dirty little secrets, tossed me and what we had like fucking pieces of shit in a damn garbage as soon as you had the opportunity to get you dream life back on. Guess after all, everything you said or did to me back there was just a fucking lie to get what you wanted, or just to try a fucking little experiment. Gives Gretchen a run for her money maybe? So lets get this straight, I don’t matter to you, and you certainly don’t matter to me. Don't be afraid though, I won't tell them. It's not like it will even look plausible to the others right? I mean how could it be, I'm just some trash, right, and you are just... You, I guess... But I’m not going to pretend to be friendly with you, the mighty and the trash don’t mix after all... she almost spits right in my face, leaving me their without even a look back in my direction.  
I immediately feel a lone tear running down my cheek. Deep inside I knew that this is exactly the type of reaction I should have to deal with and I definitely deserve. But, even though I imagined it so many times in my head since Fatin told me about the reunion, I wasn’t ready for that.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A new chapter again. I'm not sure that I will post one before this week-end so I wanted to finish that one today.  
> Thanks for the kudos but it will also be very helpfull if you could comment this fic and tell me what you think about it so far. And also feel free to tell me what you think/want to see next...  
> Anyway thanks for reading it and I hope you'll like this one.

## Fatin’s Pov

While the rest of us enter the kitchen area I see Shelby and Toni interact in the lobby. Things seem to be pretty tense between the two of them. Apparently Toni decided to go directly for the jugular, just like she always does. Considering how she put Shelby directly on edge as soon as she opens her mouth. Little by little I can see Shelby’s body getting smaller and stiffer.  
By the time Toni finally finishes her verbal assault on Shelby and joins us, Shelby seems no longer able to hold herself on her legs. But in a split of a second, she turns around, her fake smile on and her signature Pageant Queen mask perfectly adjusted. I guess old habits really are the hardest to lose. Toni then comes between Leah and I, using us as her personal shield. Then she instantly throws herself at the bottle of Tequila. Just like I will throw myself at my favourite toyboy. Apparently her verbal jousting with Shelby shook her more than I thought. She drinks her first glass in one go and is about to pour herself a refill when I subtly reach for the bottle.  
\- Don't even think about it, after the dirty trick you just pulled on me! She whispers with venom towards me.  
\- T. do you really think it's a good idea to drink so much? You promised you'd put your foot down after what happened last month.  
\- Don't be more dumb than usual, how can I not drink when I am about to spend a fortnight with not only Martha who hates me but now, courtesy of yours dearest, also with Shelby who would probably have preferred that I never came back from this fucking island.

Seeing all the misery and sorrow in her eyes I decide to give in and refill her glass again. I know it's probably the dumbest thing i could do right now, but at least it's only alcohol... And obviously I'll make sure to always keep an eye on her tonight and to never let her go out of my sight. I don't think that she or Shelby could survive another confrontation tonight. The second her glass is filled Toni seems to drown in it and not really be with us anymore. I understand the full extent of her grief and how the various substances she has started to use serve as an escape route from all the bad thoughts that are constantly plaguing her.

All of a sudden Leah gives me a slight nudge in the ribbs before whispering in my ear:  
\- Is there something wrong?  
\- No more than usual when we happen to be all together. This is clearly the story of our lives I guess. But I'm not very keen on our new normal, if you know what I mean. I don't want to sound too shallow, but sometimes I happen to miss my old life where partying, getting fucked and fucked-up was all I cared about ! Well that being said... even though unlike you I don't always believe that we are subject to a conspiracy... But the more time I spend with all of you, the more I really think that we should seriously consider getting a little exorcism or something quite similar.

Leah then smiles delicately at me and oh my God it feels so good. Yet another little situation-infatuation that will have to be dealt with one day, but clearly not tonight...

Little by little, the girls all helped themselves to drinks and conversations gradually resumed all around the place. The tension seems to be easing slowly. Nora, Rachel and Martha joined Shelby on the couch and very quickly I hear Martha's delicate laugh. Her laughter has always warmed my heart! This girl is a real fucking treasure. So damn precious !  
Dot, Leah and Toni stay in the kitchen. I approach them gently and slip in behind Toni. I approach carefully to give her time to sense that it's me. Then I delicately take her in my arms from behind before I put a furtive kiss on her cheek. I really hope that this small gesture will help her understand that I am not trying to make things any harder for her than they already are. In the last few months I have got really close to Toni and today she holds a very special place in my heart. Not to mention the fact that ever since I found her unconscious and almost dead in the filthy toilets of a squatted house during one of the creepier party I've ever witness just a month ago I have this almost ubiquitous need to feel her close to. It's probably just to reassure myself that she is still there and that with time and a lot of help she will get better. Like all of us I hope. However no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to forget how rocking her in my arms while waiting to the rescue to arrive has been one of the worst experience of my whole life. Those memories are still hunting me at night.  
I am well aware that for Toni being confronted with Shelby is a real ordeal, but I really believe that we all need to get together to heal once and for all from the traumas that Gretchen Klein has inflicted on us with her fucking experience. I only hope that, unlike what happened with my father, my frontal approach will not be catastrophic this time.

## Martha’s Pov

I try as much as possible to stay focused on the discussion with Nora and Rachel but I can't help but look at Toni from a distance. It is so strange for me to have her so close yet so far.  
Having her within reach seems so unbelivable considering that I haven't had any contact with her for months. I haven't seen her, tlk to her, call her or even text with her for so long now. I still don't understand why she left overnight without any explanations. Toni has always been much more than a friend to me. I always seen her as my sister and I thought it was mutual, but I guess I was wrong all along. Toni always told me that I only saw the good in humans, rather ironically ... If only it could have been wrong just this time!  
\- Can I sit next to you? Shelby aks softly.  
\- Yeah, sure.  
Again I don't know how to react to Shelby's return.  
\- Martha, I know that I already apologized for my poor behaviour this last few months in front of the whole group, but I especially want to tell you how much I regret not having kept in touch with you.  
\- It's okay, I guess that you had your reasons. Plus, we only just met on this island so all in all I guess that we didn't really know each other deep down I guess. Maybe that we were only some kind of acquaintances.  
\- No, we aren't...or weren't I guess ! Even if we hadn't known each other for a long time, I want you to know that you are one of the people with whom I have shared the most things about my personnal life and about me. And Martha, when I'm with you I always feel that I can really be myself without having to pay attention to what I say or do. You have no idea how much I cherish that! That's probably the reason why I still did it with you...  
\- What do you mean by that? What could you possibly have to hide, if perfection had a face it will literally be yours !  
\- Oh Martha, sweet delicate Martha... Believe me there is no such thing as perfection and we all have things to hide.  
\- Maybe...I mean...yeah... I guess.  
\- I couldn't help noticing that things seem tense between you and Toni. Are you arguying about something ?  
\- I wish we had.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here comes a new chapter.   
> I hope some of you like to read it so far.   
> I'm not really though so feel free to comment and tell me your thougts about it.   
> Anyway thanks for reading. Enjoy (hopefully)

\- You’re not talking anymore?  
\- Nope, one day she just disappeared and run to fucking L.A. I had no idea at first though. A few days after she went missing Fatin texted me to told me that Toni decided to come to L.A and was going to find a job, rent a place, everything... I try to reach her again but she never answered any of my texts or calls. So after a while I stopped trying to reach her too. I have no idea what I did wrong though...  
\- Martha, believe me, you’re not responsible of anything. Even though you can’t and probably will never be able to understand her decisions, it’s hers... so defo not your fault.  
\- I guess that you’re talking from experience there.  
\- Yeah...  
\- Ok, but how can someone just decide to cut all ties, I mean you’ve been there...tell me... did you never regret your decision, did you at any time miss any of us?  
\- Martha, I'm here right now, for real, facing you, and facing my own mistakes, right? I think that's an answer in itself.  
\- So you think she misses me.  
\- I've only met you on that damned island and there hasn't been a day since i've last seen you at the airport that I haven't been thinking about you ever since. You and Toni have been like sisters for so long now that it's just impossible that she doesn't feel this longing feeling! And if all the discreet glances she casts in your direction whenever you are unable to witness her are any indication of this emptiness she has to feel, it is clearly abysmal.  
\- Is it? Maybe it's you she's looking at. I mean I'm almost pinching myself right now talking to you. It's so incredible that you're finally here with us in the flesh!  
\- Yeah I really mean that. And nope, no way, believe me, it is not me that she is looking at with such insistence, and without resentment might I add. There are only remorse in her eyes, so she's definetly looking at you and she defo misses you so badly... Believe me, I know that!  
\- Ok. But I'm not sure that I'm ready to forgive her yet. I know it's probably not the right thing to say and it might make me look like the bad person here. But the thing is that I suffered so much when she left... You know the wound is still too fresh, if you see what I mean?  
\- Of course Martha. And it is quiet a normal reaction Martha. Above all, you must think about yourself, your feelings and your emotions. Those have to be taken into consideration as well. You can't always put yourself in the second plan... Martha you deserve better, and it's also something important to rebuild something, anything within the two of you.  
\- You might be right about that... Enough depressing discussions for tonight, or even for the next 15 days. Tell me everything that is going on in your life since we separated.  
\- Honestly not so much and definetly nothing really exciting. I just went back to my family in order to finish high school. Then my parents and I decided that I would take a year off before starting college. Thus, I do a lot of volunteer work in our religious community. At the moment I'm involved in a school support group, I'm also accompanying the freshly converted teens to find their place in our community, I help with our choir, and also I'm a co-organizer of our hiking/camping group.  
\- Wow, you're even more incredible now than before. Color me impressed girl! Ah ah.  
\- Martha, what did I tell you about perfection just minutes before? I just try to be a good person by doing a little good around me. And to be honest with all the help and inspiration I gain from my family it's quite easy to do so. They are so inspiring you know.  
\- Ok, and do you know what you want to do next year? Resting a bit maybe, ah ah.  
\- I've got a few ideas, but there are only thoughts so far as we haven't really had time to sit down and talk about it yet.  
\- What to you mean by we ? A significant other maybe ?  
\- Oh, no. I mean my parents and I.  
\- OK, but what would YOU like to do?  
\- Uh...well...uh...I...I guess it would be nice if I went into social studies or something similar I guess...yeah...probably.

## Shelby's Pov

Martha doesn't really seem convinced by my little tirade. No wonder why though. Considering that I am not convinced by it myself. I had a hard time answering her question because since my return from the island I really haven't done anything for myself. Each of my decisions or even actions really have been made with other people in mind, especially my parents. And that is in the best of cases. Quite honestly, in the last few months most of the decisions concerning my life have rather been imposed on me by my father. But I know that he is only doing this for my own good. He wants to make sure that I don't lost myself again anymore. He have told me that many times himself. He and my mum only want to be sure that I can have the best possible future ahead of me.

## Toni's Pov

Dot, Leah, Fatin and I stay in the kitchen while the others are on the sofa. It's a real relief for me. From here I can try as much as possible to control my emotions. This false sense of distance is helping me doing just that, but it's like walking on a fucking line between two skycrapers. But, clearly, I'm not sure I'll be able to stay as calm as possible in direct contact with Martha or Shelby. Who am I kidding right now, it's me I'm talking about. It's a lost cause really... Truth is, I still feel shivers all over my body from the confrontation I just had with Shelby. I know that I was much more violent than I had imagined dozens of times in my head, but it was stronger than me. Old habits are hard to fight I guess. Just like the newer ones apparently. Hence why I've been chasing one cocktail after another, with more alcohol each time. Fatin, who still hugs me from behind, shares my drinks with me though. I know she is still trying to protect me. And If she can't control my drinks she decided to limit my consumption...  
\- Are you sure you'll be able to keep up with me? I whisper to Fatin.  
\- Pfff, please, I was already drinking when you weren't even a baby-lesbian yet.  
\- Maybe, but the key is training and I've really put a lot of effort into this recently...  
\- Oye! What have I told you before, I don't want you to take what happened last time as a fucking joke. Fuck, your sense of humour is really rotten girl, no wonder why you're still single!  
\- Pfff, you know very well that I'm having dozens of conquests. Truth is that you're lucky we don't play in the same league because you'd have to worry about competing against me...  
\- As if it were possible. And I'm talking about something more serious than all those dumbass bimbos you're banging in shitty disgusting bathrooms and whose name or face you don't even remember the next day...  
\- Sometimes even during... But to be fair with them, my memory was always shit...so...  
\- Exactly! - Talk about the pot calling the kettle back though! This is rich coming from the uncontested queen of the one-night stands???!!!  
\- Exactly, I've been through the whole issue and I know that it doesn't solve anything in the end. Running away from one's worries by making a series of conquests is clearly not the idea of the century in the end... Maybe a real relationship...  
\- Are you hitting on me now?  
\- In your dreams, girl!  
\- The question is legitimate, I'm hot, free and generally always ready to fuck and you've becoming more and more tactile with me in the past weeks... Ok, I'm not your type, or maybe I'm not the one who occupies...  
\- Oh, for fuck sake, stop it! You don't really want us to adress your issues, fair enough be we won't talk about mine either, ok?  
\- Ah-ah-ah. OK. Cheers to that then!  
While I'm pouring us a new drink, I notice the discreet looks Fatin keep giving to Leah. Leah instinctively turns her eyes to Fatin and smiles at her. I didn't even think it was something possible, but I see Fatin's cheeks turning slightly red. I hope that these two will have better luck than me... No matter what the upcoming days promise to be very interesting, although there is no doubt in my mind that they will also be filled with tensions... Just as usual when the eight of us are concerned.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter today... It is a bit longer. I was inspired I guess. Hopefully you will like it. Enjoy.

## Shelby's PoV

The rest of the evening went surprisingly smoothly. Toni and Leah are the first to go to bed. Leah probably could have stayed up a little longer with everyone else. I suppose. But after 30 minutes of watching Toni in a comatose state on the couch. She decided to accompany Toni to bed, or rather almost carry her to their shared bedroom. It's the first time I've seen Toni like this. I am clearly shocked. Martha doesn't seem nearly as surprised as I am though. Shortly after their departure I also decided to go to bed.  
\- Girls, I'm going to bed too. The trip was more tiring than I initially thought. Truth be told, I'm knackered and my megs feels like jelly...  
\- Good night Shelbs. Martha answers, smiling at me. How gosh how much I've missed her smile! The rest of the girls say good night to me as well.  
\- Wait for me Princess! I'm coming with you. I am the greatest host you'll ever meet after all. That's how it's done at la Casa Jadmani ! As for you, bunch of night owls, my only rule is : Try not to destroy my humble abode already! Dot I trust you...well no, actually I don't trust you when there is alcohol involved...Martha you're in charge from now on, says Fatin with a smile.  
\- All right, I am yours to command captain, oh my captain!  
\- Oh beloved Martha, I love it when you call me Captain. Once again I'm so hot for you right now! I love it when you talk dirty to me...ah ah.  
\- But I didn't, did I ?  
\- Fatin, stops teasing Martha, and as for you Martha please never change, laughs Dot. Also good night to you...party poopers!  
Once in the room I start to take my things and went to change in the adjoining bathroom.  
\- You know that you can change your clothes here. Unlike some I won't be peeping at you, scout's honour...  
\- You were a scout once? - Oh god no! Before the Island I did my very best to never found myself in the wild or even outdoor really. - Make so much more sense! I'd like to take your word for it, but after spending some time with you I do have some doubts about the not getting an eyefull. No offense though...  
\- So not taken, and yeah it's probably a wiser decision. What can I say, I love the beauty of the human body. I really can't help it, I am passionate by nature. It's stronger than me ... ah ah.  
\- Oh Fatin, you'll never change.  
\- Change isn't always a good thing you know Shelbs.  
\- I don't really know about that Fatin. Maybe it's not really about changing but more about being sure of who you really are in the first place...  
As soon as these words came out of my mouth I looked down. I'm definitely not at ease with the way our discussion is going. Fatin must sense that because she immediately says:  
\- Hey, sorry I wasn't trying to make you more uncomfortable than you already have been tonight.  
\- Uh... I don't think that I was that uncomfortable with everyone. Or at least not as much as I was excepting.  
\- Well, you didn't talk much, you didn't propose any ice-breaker and I'm pretty sure you didn't even finish the one and only cocktail you had. I've known you to be more of a party girl than that.  
\- Yeah, right about the alcohol thing... I have been feeling nauseous for a few days now. Also, I thought that maybe it would be better for me to stay in full possession of my means, given how... well, unlike some other people... Oh, by the way, unlike the rest of the girls you didn't seem completely surprised by the state in which...  
\- Yeah, about that... Since Toni moved to Los Angeles we've been seeing each other very regularly. Mostly at the end of the day over a drink or two to discuss our days and lifes. So yes, I guess I've got used to her heavy drinking aptitude.  
\- I had the impression that it was much more than a few drinks tonight... I really don't believe that drinking so much is a reasonable and healthy thing to do...  
\- Girl, are you done with the passive-agressive judgmental attitude yet? I'm not one of your christian pals. And, honestly I'm not sure you're in the best position to judge anything she says or does now. No offence but the Toni you may have met on the island and the one I see every day are two totally different people. Guess you were a bit right after all, sometimes changing isn't always for the best.  
\- I didn't mean to... I'm sorry... I'm really tired, I'm just going to change and then go to sleep. You don't have to stay and babysit me you know.  
I don't even give her time to answer me as I literally run off to the bathroom. I can hear her trying to talk to me but I'd rather ignore her. I take some time to take off my makeup, comb my hair and brush my teeth. Then I take the opportunity to take a long hot shower. After all these emotions it's a little pick-me-up. Even though I will be a far too thin stress-reliver. Anyway, it will have to do for now. I also take benefit of being alone and in the shower to let my tears flow. This has become a new habit for me in the last few months now. The bathrooms have become a real refuge for me. Every time I am under the hot water jet I take advantage of it to release all the pressure that is permanently on my shoulders, crying, shaking, sometimes even screaming. Deep down, I know it's pathetic, but for the moment it's mostly something therapeutic. I need to do this once or twice a day to find the strength within me to move forward and put a smile on my face... When I have managed to get over my emotions, I get out of the shower and look at myself for a few minutes in the mirror. I've lost a lot of weight lately and my skin is all red... I think that my stay in the shower was a bit too long, once again. I'm getting more and more aware of why people sometimes say you can drown under the weight of your emotions... I put my pyjamas on and walk gently towards the bedroom. When I open the door I am surprised to see that Fatin is already in bed, under the covers. She's not sleeping yet, only looking at the ceiling.  
\- Shelby, I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you.  
\- It's nothing... I guess I deserved that and you're right I shouldn't have interfered.  
\- It's not that, it's just that Toni and I have gotten so much closer over the last few months. And sometimes I find it hard to break out of the mummy bear mode that I put on every time I'm with her...  
\- Yes I had noticed. You two are very closenow, more than ever... even physically...  
\- Oh no, don't exaggerate! She's more like a sister to me. You know, even I have some limits.  
\- It's astonishing...  
\- Seriously I'm not the crazy sex maniac with no limits that you girls like to picture in your heads... Yes I do love sex, a lot, but it's not the only thing that drives my life. Lately I'd even say it's quite the opposite. I'm even gradually trying to let my feelings take the upper hand over everything else in my life.  
\- It's risky... Sometimes our feelings blind our discernment.  
\- That's where I beg to differ with you. Shelby, our feelings are like a more colourful, brighter and much more powerful reflection of our thoughts. For me, the two go hand in hand. Trying to repress your feelings is like denying yourself... In any case, know that the feelings I have for each of you girls are very powerful, probably among the most powerful I have ever developed. But in the last few months my feelings, friendly I must say, towards Toni have exploded. She needed someone to be there for her, unconditionally and without reservation.  
\- Thank you... I mean for her. I know you are trying your best not to make me feel guilty but I am painfully aware that I am one of the main causes of her sorrow.  
\- Don't flatter yourself too much Shelbs. I mean, in part, yes but some of her demons are also way older and deeper. You are not the only one responsible here. Also, I have to admit that Toni knew what she was exposing herself to when she started a relationship with you.  
\- Fatin, believe me, I tried, but I knew deep down that I wasn't going to be strong enough to fight everything and everyone to defend and openly embrace our relationship... especially after we came back. Hence why I decided to distance myself immediately in order to make the separation less complicated... Just got to rip the Band-Aid off, you see...  
\- I hear what you're saying but don't you think it would be good for her to know about that too?  
\- She made it quite clear tonight that she doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. Believe me she let no doubt about that.  
\- Shelby, you know her as well if not better than I do. Toni is the very definition of impulsive. So whatever she may have said to you tonight, it was probably on the spur of the moment... emotions and shits like that...  
\- Fatin, that's nice but I think that for the moment I'm going to respect what she asked me and leave her alone. That's the least I can do, I guess.  
\- I'm not...  
\- Please...I'm really exhausted...  
\- All right, good night then.  
\- Good night.  
Fatin then turns off her bedside lamp. I turn myself facing the door and try to fall asleep. But this is much easier said than done and my thoughts come over me, as always. A tear begins to fall on my cheek and that's exactly when I feel the mattress move and suddenly I hear a faint murmur...  
\- Can I give you a hug? A friendly one of course... no funny business, I swear.  
\- Always...thank you Fatin... for everything.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And another one... also that's the first time it ends on some kind of cliffhanger... I guess. I know that things are quiet dark and depressing at the moment but it will get better soon(ish).

## Toni’s PoV, the next morning 

It is only 7:30 in the morning when I slowly open my eyes. The house is still quiet and Leah is sleeping soundly right next to me. I am really grateful to her for helping me to our room yesterday and also for forcing me to drink two very large glasses of cold water and a headache pill just before I went to bed. She clearly saved my life on that one. I don't have any hangover symptoms... I can't even remember when it happened to me the last time... It probably has been months. 

So, I decide to go for a run, hoping to take my mind off it and also to fight some of the rage that has been running through me lately. I put on my jogging bottoms and my favourite T-shirt. Then without making any noise I walk towards my shoes. Lately I've been running every time the thoughts in my head get too much, this is a tip Fatin gave me last month when I woke up in the hospital. Right after I had my stomach pumped and spent one of the worst and most frightening night of my life in an emergency room. Obviously at the moment she suggested running I was clearly not thrilled with her idea.

But after a while I decided to give it a go. Honestly how could I refuse her now? I mean, I had promised her that I would try to replace some of my rampant use of hallucinogenic substances with sport and running in particular. After all she has done for me lately I find it difficult to lie to her or refuse her anything. Hence why I also agreed to be a part of this bloody reunion. I had no idea that Shelby will be there as well though, but with only one look from Fatin I'll have agreed still.  
At the beginning, starting to run again was really horrible, but little by little, I got a taste for it. And with all the complicated thoughts that try to besiege my mind every day I have now become a relentless runner. These days I go running at least once a day. And on the worst days I even went twice. Let's just say that in the last few days it was more often twice than once. The prospect of spending such a significant amount of time in close proximity to the other girls prove to be an impressive motivating factor.  
I leave the room crossing my fingers hoping that I don't pass anyone on my way to the door. I still don't feel in the mood to be in contact with other humans. If I'm being honest, in recent months I've realised that my substance use has been inversely proportional to my socialisation efforts. Well, not completely, it depends on whether you count the one-night stands (or evening, morning and afternoon ones) as significant social interactions or not... Not sure if this can be included in this category, given the impressive efforts I make to keep the discussion level at a minimum with all of my conquests. It's official I've become the female equivalent of a manwhore.

My wish was granted this morning. I didn't run into anyone. Maybe the wheel will finally turn in my favour, it's about time!   
I screw my headset on my head and put my favourite playlist on full power. This helps me clear my head completely. I start running on the beach without really knowing where I'm going. I love this feeling of unknown and freedom. It reminds me of the good times on our island. It may sound strange, but probably unlike all the others, I think that as soon as I reached the shore of our island a big part of me was relieved. Not just relieved to be alive, but relieved to be in a neutral place, a place where I could start my life over and try to get a better start this time. It might sound crazy but if you try understanding it from my perspective it may makes some sense in the end. I mean, let's face it, I had clearly been disadvantaged compared to others in my previous pre-island normal 'life'. So the possibility to start everything from the ground was so tempting... But as usual I soon realised that things weren't going so well for poor little me. Once again I was going to have to fight, as usual, and suffer...again...welcome to the more than redundant story of my life. 

That's probably also a little bit why I got a real passion for running lately. I now feel that I am able to run away and leave my life behind. That's what I wanted to do when I left everything on a whim and moved to LA. I had a vital need to run away, to try again to make a fresh start.  
But, oh big surprise... things didn't really go as I would have liked... and since then I've been trying to run away from my life, and life in general by all possible means. It's a bit ironic that Fatin has found the ultimate way for me to run away from my problems, my life and more generally from other people, when for months she has been trying to keep me alive and as far away as possible from my hermit aspirations.

I have to admit that although things are far from being rosy for me at the moment, they would be a lot worse without Fatin. I owe her so much, and since last month I literally owe her my life. There is little doubt that if she hadn't found me unconscious, lying in my own vomit and convulsing I wouldn't be there anymore. I'm not sure that anyone would have missed me though... But things are what they are, it's my life and I know today that this will never change and that just need to find a way to deal with it somehow, one way or another. But that's much easier said than done. Even though I am a rather go-getter, and what can be described as a fighter, I now find it difficult to keep striving for a better life all the bloody time. Maybe that a single person can only take a certain amount of rejections and failures before it just get too much...you know...it can't be endless. Of course there have not only been negative things in my life.

Surprisingly I would even say that's what finally made me reach the end of my rope. Every time a good thing happens to me, it is only a short reprieve. And even though I'm aware of it and I try to constantly remind myself that it might not last and that I shouldn't get too used to it and let my guard down, I can't help it! I always end up forgetting at some point, only falling deeper and deeper when things turn to shit. Because yes, up to now there is nothing in my life that went completely well from one end to the other. Well, that's not exactly true, there has been Martha and her family. They were the only ones that have never disappointed me since they came into my life. And now, for the first time, I am the one who left first. The thing is that some time before I left for L.A., I felt that I was going to sink and I didn't want to inflict that on them. With my parents, and some of the foster families I've been temporarily placed with over the years, I've seen what it feels like and the suffering it can cause. And one thing for sure is that I couldn't have ever forgiven myself or even just look at me in the mirror knowing that I was going to be the cause of so much suffering and disappointment. Living after hurting those who have been the only ones to give me unfailing support and love since I met them was not even a possibility for me. It's hard today to see how Martha is still so confused and hurt by my departure. And how, even though she tries to hide it so well, she resents me, but it's a lesser evil considering what would have happened if I had stayed. My melt-down was fast and intense but if I had had to feel the repercussions on Martha it would have been more than hell for me, probably a fatal blow. I know how unfair it is that I inflicted that on Fatin and to a lesser extent Leah and Dot instead. But in a way, it's probably why i was able to at least keep my mouth out of the water, powerless to keep my head afloat. I only hope that one day I will be able to turn back the clock. Even though it may be very selfish I hope that Martha will also find the strength and kindness to forgive me. Indeed the emptiness in my heart and soul caused by the distance (real and emotional) between us is like a gaping wound that keeps throwing me. 

I realise that I've been running for quite a while now and that it's probably time for me to turn back when suddenly I see a frail, blond silhouette lying on the beach. I get closer and stop when I realize it is Shelby. She is also wearing a jogging outfit. At first glance she seems to be asleep....


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the newest chapter. I hope you'll enjoy it.   
> I'll try to post another one tomorrow right before the week end, since the next one will probably be finished on sunday or monday.

## Toni’s PoV

I am about to turn around when I realise how pale-looking she is. Although she has changed slightly since the last time I saw her, if there is one thing that is obvious it is that Shelby always looks tan. I guess that it makes sense when you live in Bloody Texas. But right now, her skin is almost porcelain coloured. I have a very bad feeling and I feel all my blood rushing to my head so I race to her bedside.   
-Shelby, Shelby ?   
Nothing happens. I then immediately take her pulse. It is quite weak, but I am relieved to feel it. I immediately start to panic. We are alone on the beach and I am not sure of what to do. I completed a first-aid formation but right now I forgot all I knew.  
\- Shelby, come on, wake up. You can't do this to me... Shelby, please! I start to scream while shaking her right arm slightly. You can't leave me... you can't leave us! I... the girls need you! Please, I beg you, I'll do anything. I will disappear from your life forever, if that's what you really want, I can even leave the house tonight...I...I...but I beg you to wake up. I can live without hearing a single thing from you but I won't be able to go on living knowing that you...  
Suddenly Shelby opens her eyes. She seems confused.  
\- Oh my God, Shelby! It's all right, don't move for now. You must have fainted while doing your jogging. You were running on the beach. I was doing the same thing when I saw you far away, lying incounscious on the ground.  
\- If everything's all right, maybe there's no point in blaspheming Toni, don't you think?  
I'm about to get angry at her when I notice her little smirk. Shelby always knew how to drive me crazy, in every sense of the word.  
-All right, since you're obviously well enough to make fun of me, I'll be able to get back on with my life.  
I don't even give her time to answer me. I start to pull away. I only had time to walk a few yards when I first hear her call me and then a few moments later I hear her vomit. Even though I'm angry at her, I can't help it, I'm with her again in a split second. She is still vomiting and her legs start shaking. She is about to fall down. Hence why I immediately decide to hold her against me from behind. I gently grab her hair and hold them back. I also delicately draw circles on her back to try to soothe her. After a few moments the vomiting stops and she seems to regain her strength.  
-I guess I got up too fast.  
\- Probably. I think the sports session is over for you today. Do you think that you have a concussion?   
\- Yes, that sounds like a good idea. I'm going to head home slowly. And, no, I definetly don't think so.  
She starts to leave, when suddenly it's me who feel very nauseous, but with words this time:   
\- Shelby, wait for me, I'll help you.  
\- I thought you wanted nothing more to do with me!  
\- One could say that you teach me well with all your fucking Christian things...maybe that all your bloody preaching has ended up "entering" me after all. You shall help your neighbour as yourself.  
\- Very funny Toni! Except that it’s love and not help though. Seriously, you don't have to. I'm going to take it easy from now on. I just drank too much last night, it's nothing to worry about.  
\- Who says I was worried? It’s just that now that I've witnessed you in this state I can't leave you like that. It would be non-assistance to a person in danger and my life is already complicated enough as it is right now. I defo don't need to add prison on the long list of all my failures... Don't you think?  
I then start to help her stand up and walk. We slowly go towards Fatin's house.   
\- Dramatic much?   
\- With the luck that characterises me, that wouldn't be surprising!  
\- Yeah, you might be right after all. Anyway thank you for staying and also for helping me get home.   
\- Everyone would have done the same.  
\- Maybe, but given our current situation and the tensions between us, I imagine it takes a lot of effort from you.   
\- Well, I'll earn double Karma points then. No, seriously, I wanted to apologise for my reaction last night. It may come as a surprise to you but I let my legendary fury get the better of me. Surprising, isn't it?  
\- The way you expressed it may be questionable, but in substance I fully understand your reaction. And, if anyone should apologise I guess it has to be me in the first place.  
\- Shelby I really don't think that...  
\- I know you don't want to hear my apologies. But I want you to know that I regret the way I walked out of your life, out of everyone's lives really. I am so sorry that I didn't take the time to talk to you about it beforehand in order to explain my reasons...  
\- That doesn't matter now.  
\- Probably, but I just wanted you to know that I regret the way I left.   
\- We all have regrets, Shelby. We just have to learn to live with them. Here you are Princess, you have reached your beautiful castle! See you later.  
Again I don't give her time to answer me. Leaving her standing there. I think that I take a malicious pleasure in this scenario, me walking away and leaving her speechless. It reminds me so much of that famous day we came back when she left without even a single glance at me. It is undoubtedly childish. But to make her experience, even for a very brief moment, what I went through at that time gives me a little comfort. Shelby seems to have understood the message because she doesn't venture to follow me. I walk to the kitchen and rush to the fridge. Running and then helping Shelby walk back home really made me thirsty. I drink an almost full bottle of fresh water straight from the bottle neck.   
-I see that your water consumption is beginning to rival your alcohol consumption! We're making progress. Well you still drink like a pig but we're not going to make all your shortcomings disappear in such a short time. It's all about training and patience I guess!  
\- Ah ah hilarious Fatin. Would it be possible that the lack of sex you ar e currently experiencing is having a damaging effect on your sense of humour?  
\- How do you know I didn't get my fix last night with Miss Texas?   
\- What????!!!! I thought that you decided to stop whoring yourself out!  
\- Oye! Toni I'm fucking kidding. Apparently jealousy also need to be added to your long list of flaws.  
\- Yeah, that and my poor choice of friends too apparently!  
\- Seriously, where have you been? You've been out running much longer than usual. And as per usual you don't answer your texts!  
\- Sorry Mum, I didn't know I was supposed to tell you everything I did. I just had a little setback. On my way here, I ran into Shelby...  
\- Sexy! I see! So you've set the table again, remembering your sulphurous sexcapades at the waterfall?   
\- Oh shut up! No, she had collapsed during her running session. I waited for her to get better and when I wanted to leave and resume my jogging she started vomiting. So I decided to bring her back here.   
\- Toni, what a knight in shining armour you are! Colour me impressed girl. I didn't think you have it in you. I'm so turned on right now!   
\- I would have done the same for everyone... I mean except for you obviously!   
\- Ah, ah. Obviously. So did she tell you what she happened?   
\- Yup, apparently I wasn't the only one who had too much alcohol last night.   
\- Shelby? No, she hardly drank anything.   
\- You must be mistaken. She told me that...  
\- Toni unlike you I didn't spend most of the evening completely passed out on the couch and I am sure of what I am saying.  
\- Anyway it doesn't matter. I'm covered in sweat.   
-Sexy!  
\- Definetly not, so I'm going to go and take a shower.   
\- Need some company? I can rub your back for you, or any part of your body you know...  
\- You would'nt be able to keep up with me girl, not enough stamina, I'm an athlete.  
\- A former one, and please you can't tell me that the Pageant Queen has more stamina than me... she's almost a bloody nun after all!  
\- I don't kiss and tell! And I will just be too much for you girl. Sew with me would just be too much for you.  
\- Toni, please, don't play her game. She's just asking for it. And then, no, just no, Toni do I need to remind you that we are rooming together for the next few days!  
\- Saved by the bell, or rather by Leah, miss Shalifoe. It's only a postponement though. Have a good shower, thinking of me. I will thinking about you too, she said to me with her infamous wink of an eye.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, happy friday to everyone! I just finished this chapter, I will start a new one tomorrow probably. Hopefully I'll be abble to post it sometimes during the week-end. Hope you'll like this one though.  
> Toni and Shelbi aren't prensent in this chapter, but Toni wil definetly be back in the next one. I wanted to explore Fatin and Leah's relationship as well. Hope you won't mind. 
> 
> Tell me what you thought of it and where you want it to go...

## Fatin’s PoV

I'm about to give Toni a slap on the buttocks when Leah stops me. I then give her a surprised look and get ready to ask her why she did it. But before I have time to say anything, she's the one who's talking :  
\- Seriously, don't you ever stop? You've only just got up ...  
\- Oh don't be jealous! I've got enough love to share with everyone, I laugh.  
\- Oh I have no doubt about that... Leah retorts.  
\- Leah, you know I'm just like that. Plus, with Toni it's more for fun than anything else. Nothing of this nature will never happen between the two of us.  
I tell her seriously. I can almost perceive a sense of relief in her eyes, but she quickly looks down. I have the impression that she is embarrassed. I then move very gently towards her. I'm afraid that my current actions might just make her even more uncomfortable. However, I can't help it, I need to know what she is thinking and feeling right now. I am very delicate in my movements, as if I had to get close to a wild animal being afraid that it will get frightened and run away at full speed.  
It's funny but I often picture Leah as a wild animal in my head. Most of the time I see her as a surprising creature, fragile, although a little wild, and always ready to react at a moment's notice. I must admit that I love that about her, even if it often disconcerts me. As soon as I am a few centimetres away from her, I can feel the excitement radiating from her body. I overcome the last few centimetres that separate us and gently lift her chin with my fingers so that our eyes meet.  
I feel like I could be drawn in by the intensity of her gaze at any moment. My breath is immediately taken away, unless it's her own. Truth be told, we are so close that it's hard to tell the difference. But even though we are so close I can't help thinking that we are still too far away. I just can't get closer enough when it comes to me and her. I've had that feeling over and over regarding Leah in the last months or so. It doesn't go away and worst, it's even getting more and more oppressive lately. The need to be in direct contact with her hardly ever leaves me anymore.  
\- Leah, you of all people have to know that Toni is just like a little sister to me, so don't take my flirting with her for anything serious. It's just a game between her and I.  
\- And with me it's just a game for you too? She whispers...  
I almost didn't hear her, as she speaking so quietly. Once again her gaze is lowered and I realise that she is worried while waiting for my answer. There are so many things I want to tell her right now. But I'm so afraid of saying the wrong things that I'd rather take a few fractions of a second before giving one of the most important answer of my life... But out of nowhere Dot just burst into the kitchen. Immediately Leah walks away from me. The moment we were sharing is over. I sigh... Dot doesn't seem to be aware of anything and exclaims:  
\- Fatin, I'm disappointed, not only did you not come to join me in bed last night, but you didn't even surprise me with breakfast in bed this morning... If you think that's how you're going to seduce me...  
\- Ah, ah. The fact that I'm accommodating you in my humble abode isn't enough for you, there should also be benefits in kind?  
\- Humble adobe my ass this place is fucking huge. And, of course, I wouldn't except any less coming from you girl. No, seriously, I'm starving man! Do we have to wait for the rest of the group or can we start eating breakfast?  
\- I don't know if the girls already have eaten or even want to eat, so make yourself at home!  
\- Cool. Leah, have you eaten yet?  
\- Uh...I...uh...no...but I'm gonna go shower first.  
As soon as she says those words she rushes down the hallway towards her and Toni's room.  
\- Shit!  
I sigh.  
\- I feel like Ime and my big hooves have come at the wrong time...  
\- Sorry, what?  
\- As soon as I arrive Leah leaves completely embarrassed and you have the face of a child whose ice cream has just fallen to the ground and you exclaim "shit"?  
\- I wasn't just talking in my head, was I?  
\- Um, nope, definitely heard that one. Sorry, I hadn't noticed you were in the middle of a discussion or maybe something else if you see what I mean...  
\- Put your mind of the gutter fuckface, we were just talking.  
\- About something rather important I guess...  
I hesitate about discussing Leah and I's situation with Dot but at the same time I know that I can trust her. And maybe that it would be good to talk about this with someone other than Toni. Toni already has enough on her mind at the moment.  
\- What would you say about getting that breakfast in my bed after all?  
\- With pleasure. But ain't it gonna bother Shelby?  
\- No, she is already up and out of the bedroom. And truth be told, if I am really about to have this discussion with you, I would prefer to do it in my room and preferably away from the rest of the group.  
\- It's fine with me, but we still take some food with us right ? We'll have a very profound and probably awkward chat, of course, but I'm still starving.  
\- Help yourself girl.  
I start walking towards my bedroom. When Dot joins me I am already sitting on my bed with my knees bent against me, almost in a ball. It is clear that I am trying to create a semblance of a shell for myself. It's no mistake that I'm completely at ease in my own body, probably a bit too much from time to time, but the same can't be said when it comes to my feelings...  
\- Wow you weren't laughing when you said you were starving. You let some food for the others, right ? Well, since it's you I'm willing to make an exception to my no-food-in-bed rule.  
\- Even for sexual games?  
\- Why do this in a bed...so conventional Dottie! I am so disappointed in you right now.  
\- Stop trying to change the subject and gain time. Now talk girl!  
\- Straight to the point, I appreciate that. Well...so...er...actually your timing sucked this morning. I don't know if you noticed it before but there's been a bit of tensions between Leah and I lately. Thing is, about 6 months ago, we started to get a little closer. Suddenly she's been coming to visit me more often, and so have I. We started to exchange more by message and on the phone... I mean outside of our shared whatsapp group. And then two months ago during a weekend she came to visit Toni and me...  
\- Yes...  
\- There was this party that the three of us went to. The atmosphere wasn't great, Toni quickly left us to go drink and find someone to shagg for the evening. So Leah and I settled down in a corner of the garden. We lay ourselves in a little cosy display and we took the opportunity to discuss as usual. Then after a while all I could think about was how much I wanted to kiss her and touch her. So me being me I just went for it. You know how I am, if I want it I just go for it.  
\- Woah...Thats a lot to take in!!! But I'm not sure that I am completly surprised though. I've always feeled like their was something more between the two of you... So you just went for it, like in a fucking movie, but for real?  
\- Yup, for real.  
\- What was it like? She said with her mouth full.  
\- Much sexier than you eating your breakfast!  
\- Very funny F. No, but seriously?  
\- It was very intense! That's the only way I can describe it. I've probably exchanged tens of thousands of kisses before but this one was unlike any other. We spent a good part of the evening kissing afterwards without really continuing to talk. We just couldn't get away from eachothers. So we just kept kissing, flirting, touching... Then Toni got involved in a massive brawl so Leah and I went to help her. After that we got out of there quickly so things didn't get out of hand.  
\- And of course when you two came back home you talked about it and eased the awkwardness and tensions that could arise from that. I mean as two sensible adults will do ? Didn't you, she says sarcastically.  
\- No, Leah went to bed alone and I stayed with Toni. Toni and I both continued drinking and ended up half unconscious on the couch... The next day Leah and I didn't act like anything ever happened. She left and things went on as before. It was like that night never existed.  
\- Were you drunk at the time of these "oral exchanges"?  
\- Grrr, don't be so gruesome. And no, not even. I think Leah thought it didn't matter to me. I can't blame her for thinking that, I'm me after all, the resident flirt. That's what everyone would have thought, even myself to be honest, but with her it is all so different!  
\- Have you thought about discussing it with her? Being comptely honest about what happened and how you feel...  
\- I was going to, like 15 minutes ago before you showed up.  
\- Shit! I'm so sorry girl.  
\- Yes, my words exactly!  
\- I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry. But Fatin, this can't goes on anymore. You've got to tell her before it's too late! Things between the two of you could get worse if you don't do it.  
\- I know, but I'm oh so terrified!  
\- The legendary Fatin, terrified? I can't quite believe my ears. Seriously Girl, instead of trying to solve everybody else's problems all the time you don't think it's time to deal with your own shit.  
\- Yeah, you're right. I'm going to go see her right now!  
I'm getting up and getting ready to run to Leah's room.  
\- Maybe you should wait until she's done showering, huh? Dot bursts out laughing.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is about Martha and Toni. I've enjoyed writting it even though I don't like to think and write about Toni being so down. Hopefully you'll enjoy reading it. Have a nice sunday.

## Martha’s Pov 

I am about to go and sit by the pool to read a book and sunbathe at the same time. But as I get closer I realise that apart from Toni who is doing laps after laps in the swimming pool, there is no one else around at the moment. I have almost reached the deckchairs when I decide to do a U-turn. It's obvious that Toni, for some reasons I still don't get, doesn't want to have anything to do with me anymore. And knowing her explosive nature and the fact that I myself feel some resentment towards her at the time, I prefer to avoid a face-off. I begin to turn around when suddenly I hear her:  
\- You don't have to run away from me, you know.  
\- I thought I was doing you a favour to be honest. It's obvious that you don't want to spend any more time with me and if I can avoid an inevitable argument you know me I'd rather go my own way.  
\- Martha, no...I...  
\- It's OK, I can go somewhere else. It's not like this house is fricking enormous.  
\- It's not true. I know it might look the opposite but I'm not trying to avoid you at all costs.  
\- Forgive me but I've a hard time believing that. You left me behind overnight without any explanation or even any feedbacks on your whereabouts. You abandoned me as if I was just a vague acquaintance, as if everything we've lived together for years didn't matter to you. Not even a fucking note! if I were in your shoes I wouldn't even have managed to do that to someone I met just a few days before!  
\- I know Martha, I fucked up!  
\- Fucked up...are you kidding me right now, that's the understatment of the bloody year Toni. Seriously Toni it's not just like all the times you got carried away or had an impulsive reaction... if Fatin hadn't contacted me I would have thought you were dead for God's sake! I couldn't eat, drink or even sleep for days after your departure. I had to live with fear in my stomach all the time until Fatin told me that you had just decided to leave Minnesota and join her in LA.  
\- I didn't leave to join her, I...  
\- And how am I supposed to know that! Even today I know nothing about your departure, your motivation, what you did since then...it's simple you were successful, we are two strangers to each other now Toni.  
\- No. Martha, no! You will never be a stranger to me!  
That's when she comes out of the pool and quickly heads towards me. I'm a little afraid of what she's going to say or how she's going to react. Toni has always been impulsive and I wasn't exaggerating when I told her that I now feel like if I don't know who she is anymore. Never in my life could I have thought that she could abandon me like that. If anyone knows how much it hurts to be abandoned, it is her...how could she knowingly do this to me? Worried about what Toni is about to do, I take a step back. I immediately notice that my reaction caught her by surprise, and that she is saddened to understand that I don't trust her anymore.  
\- Martha, if you are willing to listen to me I am ready to discuss this with you now. ell, truth be told, I'm not sure that I am or that I will ever be ready to do that, but it's not about me, I want to do it for you. I know that it's the least I owe you right now. I understand that you need to know why I left, and what I did, so you can ask me any questions you want. And I promise to try to answer them as honestly as I can.  
\- You do? Ok, but why now?  
\- I'm tired of running away... especially from you. There was a time were I thought that it would do me good, but I know now that it won't.  
\- All right, then. Let's sit down, because I have a lot of questions.  
\- Yes, obviously  
We both sit down on one of the deckchairs, quite far apart. I think both of us need that distance at the moment.  
\- Go ahead, I'm listening Martha.  
\- Ok, I guess the simplest and most obvious question to start with is, what could I have done to make you decide you didn't want to see me anymore?  
\- Nothing Martha, it was never your fault.  
\- Then why did you...  
\- Before I left I was really not well at all.  
\- Yes you were a little depressed for a while but it wasn't the first time it happened to you and it wasn't that catastrophic either.  
\- Not exactly. I guess I've managed to hide it better this time around. About 2 months before I left I started to drink more and more. But very quickly that was no longer enough for me, and all around me my new so called friends were taking drugs. So one evening I started taking 2 or 3 pills at a party. It made me feel good, I couldn't think of anything else but having fun, dancing, flirting... But every time I woke up, it was so hard to wake up and go on with my life anymore. My dark thoughts always camed back and stonger each time I woke up.  
\- Why didn't you tell me?  
\- It was complicated, there were things I couldn't tell you and I didn't want to bother you with my problems.  
\- It's completely stupid, I've always been there for you.  
\- I know, but I just started to think that I couldn't always count on you to help me get better. It was not fair to you. It was up to me to try to fix my own situation. But let's be honest I didn't choose the best way. I turned to parties, sex, alcohol and more and more to drugs. Very soon I started taking increasingly stronger substances, and using more and more. I was just trying to put a stop to all my problems. Instead of solving them or learning to live with them I wanted them to go away. And there are still times now when I'm trying to do that. I know it's dumb but I haven't really learned to do anything else. And part of me thought that everybody always thought that this was what was going to happen to me in the end anyway, given my past and my family's past. So I felt like I had nothing left to lose. At the same time I also started to eat less, first because I had lost my appetite and then to save my money for drugs. I quickly lost my job because of my overindulgence.  
\- Oh my God Toni, how could you keep all this from me? How could I not see how much pain you were in.  
\- If there's one thing I'm good at it's making illusions, believe me I've been training myself to do just that all the time since I was a kid.  
\- It's not funny Toni. I feel so bad!  
At that moment Toni gets up and she gently approaches me. Nothing surprising there considering my previous reaction. But this time I don't move. So, she then approaches my deckchair and without talking to me she nods slightly. I know her well enough to realise that she is asking for my consent before entering my own bubble. For the first time in months I can see a bit of my Toni in her. And I have to admit that it warms my heart. I just hope it's not too late for her and for the two of us. Toni then sits down right in front of me and gently takes my hands in hers before looking me straight in the eye.  
\- Martha I want you to promise me that you will do everything you can not to blame yourself about all of that. Believe me none of this is your fault and there is really nothing you could have done to help me.  
\- But...I...  
\- No. In fact I was so afraid that I wouldn't be able to make any more illusions and I felt that I was going to sink even deeper that I decided to leave. I knew that my decision would ruin our friendship but I would rather do that than make you suffer more by having you witness my descent into hell. I wanted to try and save you from at least that.  
\- Toni, no, of course it would have hurt me to know what you were really going through but I would have done everything I could to help you.  
\- Oh but believe me I knew that, but I was too afraid to drag you down with me and I would never have forgiven myself for that. Everything else I have to live with and even if it is difficult I know that with time I will be able to try to overcome it, but if anything had happened to you I would not have been able to forgive myself. And I also knew that if you had to end up deciding that you didn't want to be by my side any more I couldn't get over it. So I decided to leave before I lost you somehow.  
\- Oh Toni! You can never really get rid of me you know.  
I can't help it anymore and so I take her in my arms. I can't believe how much she could, and probably still can, suffer so much. I just want to do everything I can to help her from now on.  
\- I know you think I am not strong enough to help you and support you in what you are going through but I want you to know that I will fight with all my strength to help you now. I love you Toni Shalifoe and I am here for you.  
\- Thank you, but I'm not sure I deserve it.  
\- Probably, but it doesn't matter. It's my nature and you can't fight it.  
We are both in tears now.  
\- Martha, there are things in my life that I can't tell you and probably never could tell you.  
\- It doesn't matter. I'll be there for you and if you ever decide to tell me about them, that's fine, but if you don't and then that's the way it is and it is also fine. I'd rather have you back in my life even if there are part of your story that I ignore than continue trying to live a life without you in it.  
\- You are just too perfect. I will never comprehend how I was lucky enough to have you in my life. I missed you so much.  
\- I missed you too.  
Without needing to keep talking, Toni and I lie on the high chair, engulfed in each other's arms. Usually it is Toni who takes me in her arms and wraps me up to reassure me or protect me, but here it is the other way around. At the moment she is the one who needs me and I'm going to do everything I can to be up to the task.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter, and probably the next one will be Fatin And Leah centric. Toni and Shelby need a little more time to calm theirselves i guess :-D  
> Enjoy.

##  Leah’s PoV 

I am taking full advantage of the fact that Toni has decided to go for a few swim lengths in the pool after her aborted jogging session this morning to enjoy a lingering hot shower. I have been spending a lot of time in the shower lately. I have to admit that I've always found it quite enjoyable but now it's mostly to soothe myself and to try and get my thoughts straight. And now, after the moment I've just shared with Fatin in the kitchen, I don't know how I would have managed if I hadn't been able to spend some time in my personnal shelter. I stay under the water stream without really moving. I let the almost burning water surround me completely. This feeling of warmth that totally envelops me does me a lot of good. It is this exact sensation that I am looking for every time. It all started a few weeks ago...that's when I felt this sensation for the first time and since then I haven't been able to spare myself from it. Except when it happenend first was not in my shower but when Fatin and I kissed for the first time. I guess it really sounds like a second class romantic comedy cliché, but never before have I felt so much during a simple kiss. It didn't completely surprise me though. I suspected that Fatin was not the kind of girl who does things by halves and I figured that when she gets involved in something she does it completely. But that's not why I knew even before we kissed that I was going to be captivated by the experience. This certainty came from the fact that I had already noticed that my feelings towards her had been gradually changing for some time before we kissed.  
Although I had never before felt any attraction to another girl, I had never really questioned my sexuality at any time. And even today it is not a question that clogs my mind. I feel things about Fatin, I can't really deny it, and that's the way it is. Things have happened gradually. I became increasingly appreciative of our exchanges, I started to want to hear and see her more and more often, to think about her more and more and to seek physical contact when I spent time with her. Being with her made me feel joyful, happy, complete and I always wanted to make her feel the same way. When I think about it, and it always makes me smile, if I had to explain what I feel when I am with her I would say that I feel like floating weightless in a cloud. It's soft, delicate, soothing, and magical all at the same time. So as soon as I realised all this I was no longer able to deny myself. What I felt for Fatin went beyond simple friendship. Not to mention the fact that I find her extremely sexy and that I am undeniably attracted to her. I didn't even think for a second about fighting my attraction. I was never afraid of that attraction. I was apprehensive at first, but that's not surprising given my " romantic " past. I was worried that once again it wasn't just an attraction but rather an unhealthy obsession like the one I had developed for Jeff. But with Fatin it was completely different. With Jeff I wasn't myself, whereas now I think I'm genuinely myself for the first time since so long. Nothing is planned or calculated, I just live and act naturally with her. As I always have. Even back on the island and even when I was at my worst, it was always like that with the two of us. Without completely being able to explain it to myself. Faced with Fatin I can't play a game, I can't hide my emotions. I am like an open book in her presence and the freedom that this gives me is a great blessing to me.  
So I would say that things went on naturally until those languorous kisses exchanged in the garden that evening... To the point that I think that if Toni hadn't interrupted us things would probably have gone a lot further that evening. But while I have no regrets about those kisses I did panic a bit afterwards. Indeed, even though I am more than sure of how I feel about her. I have to admit that I am clueless about how she might or may not feel about me! That's why I didn't have the courage to talk about what had happened with the two of us ever since. I am too afraid that she has forgotten everything, or worse, that it was just another fling for her. I could never begrudge her for not feeling the same way I do, of course. I love her too much for that. But I'm afraid that it might put a distance between us and I'm not sure I'm prepared for that. I know it's silly and probably unhealthy or even dangerous but I'd rather keep playing this little games between her and I than take such a risk... But oh my God, I wish I could kiss her and hold her close to me again! Ouch I realise then that since 2 minutes the water coming out of the shower has become cold. So immersed in my thoughts and in the warmth that Fatin provokes in me I didn't even realise it before. You got it so bad Leah!  
So I got out of the shower and wrapped myself in a towel and went back to my room. Once in the room I start looking for an outfit for today when I hear someone knocking discreetly at the door.   
\- Toni, it's also your room, you don't have to knock every time you wanna come in, you know!  
\- It's not Toni, it's Fatin. May I come in?   
\- Yes, of course you can.   
I've barely finished my sentence and she's already in the room, right in front of me.

I come crashing into the room and stop dead in my tracks. I am about to finally open my heart to Leah. I look up. I tell myself that plunging into her bewitching gaze will give me the strength I need...I'm not really used to talking about my emotions in general and even less so with the person who has been messing them up for quite some time now. Oh fuck what a mistake! I then realise that Leah is only wearing a simple towel...with like nothing underneath...my mind is already imagining a lot of things. I feel my cheeks blushing and I suddenly feel very hot. And that's just the beginning. In fact I notice a drop of water running down her neck and gradually descending to the valley of her chest. Leah once said that she had never related so much too a toothbrush, but now I would kill to replace that drop of water! God it's official I'm addicted to her already and also I must be the biggest perv on the planet! But truth be told I have no shame about that!  
-Uh Fatin you wanted to tell me something, unless you're looking for Toni.   
-Fuck Toni! It's you that I want ! I mean I'm looking for you.  
\- Ah...er...  
\- Oh what the hell! No actually that's what I meant. Leah it's you I want. I can't take it anymore. I think about you all day long, it's hard enough as it is. But it's still fucking bearable during the day, it becomes way worse at night, believe me! I can hardly sleep no more and when I finally do sleep all my dreams are centred on you. Some are even quite vivid though, sorry not sorry. I've never experienced that before. Can you belive it, cuz I sure don't. It's fucking impossible! Ever since I've tasted your lips and feel them on mine it's even worse. And for the first time it's not just physical, even though I'm clearly always turned on and hot for you, I want to spend hours talking about anything and everything with you. I want to know what you do, what you think, what makes you sad, what makes you happy. Fuck, I think I'm completely fucked up...  
\- Woah...  
\- Shit, I know, sorry. I had rehearsed what I was going to say to you and it definetly wasn't that verbal nausea... It might have come way stronger than in my head... I'm really sorry, I...  
\- Don't ever excuse yourself for telling me how you feel. Apologize instead for all the time we wasted because we are obviously two dumbass. You may also apologize too for not having your lips on mine already...   
Without waiting I throw myself on her lips and we kiss languorously. Dot might have been wrong in the end. Maybe that I should have been better off not waiting for her to get out of the shower.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here come the new chapter. Even though I miss Shelby and Toni I couldn't let Fatin and Leah go already.

##  Fatin’s PoV 

Oh my God, I don't think I've ever been so excited to be able to kiss someone. One thing is for sure, I will never get tired of Leah's lips. They are like a candy I'm addicted to and my whole body is craving them. I try to restrain my ardour and not to be too adventurous though. It's difficult because my mind and body can't seem to quench their thirst for Leah. But I know that I am a much more adventurous and sexual person than she is and I really don't want to cross the line with her or make her feel uncomfortable. But it's fucking hard, especially considering that she only wears a simple towel for god sakes. After many long seconds, and reluctantly, we take a break to catch our breath. But honestly I'm not sure I'll ever be able to fully catch my breath anymore in close proximity with her.  
\- Huuummm... I can't get enough of your damn lips, It's official I'm hooked... did you cast a spell on me or what?   
\- Ah, ah. Not that I know of. Don't you regret telling me how you feel?  
\- Not at all, Leah. I just regret waiting so damn long. If only I had any idea that you were feeling the same...   
\- Yeah, I'm sorry about the time we lost too.  
\- You wanna make out some more and make up for lost time, or you wanna go see what the others are up to ?  
\- Ok, you know I love them all but right know all I can think about is "Fuck them". I know it's bad but I wanna spend some more time with you. Also, you really don't need to ask me, my lips are clearly yours from now on...  
\- Believe me I understand you perfectly and yeah "fuck them". But, yes I do need to ask you Leah. It's important for me to know that I have your consent. I know how openly sexual I am as a person and that not everyone is as open about it than I am. I don't want to be too bold or overly forward.  
\- I understand better now.  
\- What do you mean babe?  
\- I was beginning to wonder if maybe you didn't like me physically?  
\- What, are you crazy??!! I'm so turned on right know. No pun intended but I can't fucking think straight when I am close to you. You don't even need to touch me, look at me or even talk to me to get me hot and bothered. All you have to do is being yourself babe.   
\- Really ? I like that ! Both you calling me babe and knowing the effect I have on you. It's just that I had noticed that you just kissed me without touching me too much.  
\- Oh believe me I know, I've rarely done anything so difficult in my life than refraining to touch you! So if I understand correctly, what you're saying is that you ... you want ... I can.  
Once again I am at a loss for words in front of Leah. I'm still looking for my words when all of a sudden she drops the towel she had around herself on the floor. My eyes try to capture the whole of this splendid vision. They move at full speed from one end to the other of this sumptuous body. I don't know where to look. But I want to look everywhere at once. I can't help but devour her with my eyes and run my tongue over my lips at the appetizing sight she offers me.  
\- I take it that you like what you see.  
\- Mm-hmm.  
I can barely speak. On the other hand I can't lift my gaze from her body and especially from her breasts. I've already had several experiences with girls, mainly during threesomes though, but still, I know I can fully appreciate the female body. But I've never wanted so much to... Leah has just put a stop to my dirty thoughts... Without me realising it, she came close to me and delicately placed her right hand under my chin. Just as delicately she lifts my face, putting it at the same height as hers and before kissing me sensually she whispers to me:  
-My trust in you is absolute Fatin, and I know that you would never do anything against my will. And believe me, my level of acceptance of you is very high. So unless I say otherwise, you can touch, kiss, caress, lick, even bite, honestly do whatever you want with my body.  
\- Oh my god, I have the feeling that you'll be the death of me!  
\- Maybe, but I'm sure that it will be a very pleasurable way of dying, don't you think so?   
\- Hum...hummm. So damn sexy...  
As I begins to kiss her neck and slowly bite her earlobe between my lips Leah gently takes my hands and places them on both of her breasts.  
\- Fuck babe, are you trying to kill me?  
\- Nope, not yet. There are so many more pleasant things I wanna do with you beforehand.   
\- Oh, really? I say while massaging her breasts, first very gently and then more and more ardently.  
When I touched the naked skin on her chest I got a wave of goose bumps. Her breasts are so round and soft and my hands seem made only to hold and cherrish them. Then I begin to kiss her right breast while continuing to massage her left. Leah then lets out a slight moaning sound. Reassured that my actions are giving her pleasure I continue and begin to lick her nipple more intensely. I feel her hands grasping my hair and massaging my scalp. I also notice that she applies some pressure on my head making sure that my mouth stays in contact with her chest. No risk there, I don't plan to stop anytime soon.  
\- You're good ?  
\- Are you kidding me, I'm great right now ! Also I do feel a bit undressed...  
\- Really? I don't see why...  
I am delighted to see that the mischievous nature of our relationship is still there, despite all the new developments. Always willing to please Leah, and without stopping caressing her breasts, or almost, I take my top off. Then, with a mischievous wink, I also take off my bra. I barely have time to look up before I feel Leah's hands on my breasts. Fuck, if I thought that touching her was just perfect I have to say that feeling her hands on my body is a very close second.  
\- Eager much ?   
\- Oh shut up. You’re one to talk. You almost passed out when I’ve dropped the towel.   
\- True that. No wonder why though. Have you seen yourself in a fucking mirror recently???!!! I’ve never liked John Mayer, but damn he is right you’re body is a wonderland girl!  
\- You play all you cards right Miss Panty dropper.   
\- True that! I think I broke my personal record with yours though  
\- Ah ah. Now shut up and kiss me some more.   
\- Your wish is my command.   
\- Oh I see you’re so whipped already.  
\- Shuuu...don’t tell anyone.   
She cannot fathom how whipped I am already indeed. I kiss her with intensity before resuming my ministrations on her left boob this time. I don’t want this one to feel left out. I love them both equally! At the same time I place my hands on her ass.   
\- Someone’s feeling bolder I see.   
\- Yup!   
\- Good! I like that so much about you.   
\- We are a match made in even then. However Leah, believe me when I tell you that what I am about to say I am not saying it out so happily because all I wanna do right now is touching you, exploring and mapping every each of your body and probably way more... But I really don’t want to rush anything between us. You mean so much for me and I wan’t it to be special between us. I wanna prove to you that you’re not another hooked up. And that you’ll never be only that to me.  
\- I know it already. She says to me and then kissed me with so much force, to prove her truth I guess. She is perfection.   
\- So... as much as I wanna continue and explore this and see where it leads us... I also don’t wanna do that while there is the risk that someone might barge in or hear us or ...  
\- Yeah I know. But god it’s so hard, I know we should stop but I don’t want too.   
\- Me neither babe, but it’s the wisest decision. Right? Plus I’m not sure that Toni will be too happy with us having sex on your shared bed.   
\- Is it bad that I don’t really care about her feelings on that?   
\- Oh very bad, you are naughty miss Rilke...I like that.   
\- Hopefully soon you’ll be able to see how naughty I might or might not be.  
\- Not soon enough apparently. God I can already picture myself under many cold showers. Actually, I’m probably going to have one right now.   
\- Oh really, I got you all hot and bothered?  
\- Yup and oh so so wet.   
Game, set and match for Fatin Jadmani! Her eyes are so black with desire at that moment. This is exactly the effect I was aiming for.  
\- More or less than me?  
I am baffled by her question and don't really know what to answer. Suddenly my eyes widen when I notice that she slowly lets her right hand go down along her neck and then between her breasts. She then grabs her right breast and massages it for a few seconds. I can't help myself and moan out loud while biting my own lips. Then she continues to let her hand down along her belly and then gently places it between her labia. I can then catch a glimpse of two of her fingers entering inside her for two or three seconds. I let out another moan very audibly. My mouth is wide open now and my heart is pounding. She then presents me with her fingers and I notice that they are completely glistening and drenched. Then she reaches out her hand and pauses a few millimetres away from my mouth. Looking her straight in the eyes I open my mouth and lick her fingers clean with passion. Clearly I was wrong: game set and match for Leah. She has just killed the game!   
At that moment I couldn't tell which one of us moaned the loudest. I then gather the last ounces of willpower I have in me and bend down to pick up her towel before delivering it to her before gently kissing her.  
\- Hum you’re so damn sweet.  
She licks her lips as soon as I’ve said that.   
\- See you after a very very long cold shower miss Rilke.   
\- Yeah. Uh wait... what about the others?   
\- If you wanna to tell them, I’ll gladly do so. And if you don’t it’s also fine with me. The choice is all yours.   
\- Ok. See you later for a very interesting discussion with the rest of the girls I presume then...girlfriend.  
\- Yep, with great pleasure my sweet sweet girl.  
She’s blushing now. I leave her bedroom. I need a second to catch myself behind the door. Gosh I’m in heaven right now!


	12. Chapter 12

##  Toni’s PoV – A while later 

I don't know how long Martha and I were in each other's arms. However I think it has been a little while. Rachel, Nora and Dot have joined us around the pool. All three looked surprised to see us this close again. But none of them said anything, probably for fear of interrupting the moment. I'm very thankful to them because I really needed it. Those long minutes in Martha's arms and the heart-to-heart talk we shared made me feel secure and at peace for the first time in a very long time. I know that things are far from settled between us and that I've still have a shit loads of other problems, but right now I defo don't care. Martha has always had this soothing effect on me right from the first time I met her. In contrast to the first time I laid eyes on Shelby. Things between her and I were immediately electric. I cannot really explain it, but there is like a whirlwind of forces between the two of us. This energy acted like a real magnet, no matter how hard my mind tried to keep me away from her I was like being drawn towards Shelby. I have never felt this way about anyone else in my life...This is probably part of the reason why not seeing, hearing or simply hearing from her for months has been so very difficult. That and the fact that she broke my heart into a thousand pieces before she stomped on it.  
-Hey, Toni, what's going on?  
\- Hmm?   
\- You've been all tense suddenly and for a minute or so. What's going through your head?  
-Nothing worth talking about.   
\- Are you sure? You know you can talk to me about anything...  
\- I would like to but it's complicated. But if I could do it I would do it without hesitation. I trust you.   
\- You better do ! I'm there for you T. No matter what.   
\- I know.   
\- Oh sweet! Ok enough with the sappy friendly crap. It's time for cocktails!  
\- And once again you can count on Fatin for always putting her foot in the plate and ruining the touching moments.  
\- You're welcome Dot, I always try to live up to my reputation. Seriously though, chicks, the aim of this holiday is to get the most out of it. So now that the Minnesota twins are all made up, let's drink a fricking toast!  
\- That's all we have to celebrate Fatin?  
\- Maybe not Dot. You know though patience is a virtue...You'll know what we are toasting for when the time will come... In the meantime, I'm going to make you some ass killers cocktails! You can thank me afterwards... As always!   
\- Or not... Wait for me, I'll give you a hand.   
\- Yep, it's true that you know a lot about alcohol now. Let's go Toni Whinehouse!   
\- Ah ah, very funny bitch.   
\- And in the meantime, put on some rockin' music, it's too quiet in here. We had more fun on this fucking island for Christ's sake.  
Fatin and I leave for the bar she has set up in her living room. Fatin brings out an impressive selection of bottles of all kinds of alcohol, original fruit juices and spices.  
\- Seriously, do you know anything about making cocktails?   
\- Not even remotly.   
\- Maybe you should have asked around or I dunno take a bloody class or even watch some fucking tutorials before investing in a bar worthy of the Playboy Mansion.   
\- Girl, I'm not sure you realize how rich we are now. I could buy a private jet and not even know how to fly it, it wouldn't matter. And as for cocktails, none of us are specialists anyway so as long as the taste is not to be puked on and there is plenty of alcohol in it it will do the trick. Most of us are cheap drinkers anyway.  
\- Ok I can see you are in a particularly happy and cheerful mood, give it up!  
\- I have no idea what you are talking about.  
Oh my God, Fatin has a smile the size of a fucking banana on her face right now.  
\- Are you sure because the last time I saw you this excited before noon was just after you and Leah exchanged saliva. Coincidence, I don't think so...  
\- Oh shut the fuck up Shalifoe.   
\- Fuck, you can't even stop smiling, it's sickening.   
\- What's disgusting?   
\- Oh Shelby, by any chance don't you have any knowledge whatsoever about cocktails?  
\- It's interesting that you are asking me Fatin because at the congregation we have a barmaid class. And I must confess that I was among the most assiduous students.   
\- What?   
\- Is this a fucking joke???!!  
\- Ah, ah. If only you You could see your faces now. Of course it's a bloody joke! Having said that, I must confess that I'm quite skilled at making Margaritas. If you're up for it?   
\- Why not.   
\- Well, since you've found all the help you need, I'll see what we have to eat with it.   
\- Toni wait... you don't have to go.  
\- I know I don't. I'm free now, aren't I? But I want to, so I'm just going to do it! You of all people should understand that. Right, doing what you want without worrying about others.  
\- Whoah, and Bitch Shalifoe is back... be prepared when she attacks it's always at the throat!  
\- It's OK Fatin. I guess I only harvest what I have sown.   
\- Yes, that's for sure, but she can be a real bitch when she wants to be. But don't let that put a damper on your morale, things will get better when the time comes. But for now it's party time, ok ?  
Fatin is right, I can really be a bitch when I want to. I have to say that as soon as I replied to Shelby I blamed myself. But for the moment I can't help it. I know it's childish but I want her to suffer at least a thousandth of what I suffered... I'm starting to open all the cupboards looking for snacks for our improvised party. Junk food has always had a soothing effect on me too.  
\- Are you looking for something special?  
\- Fuck Leah, you frightened the shit out of me. Yes, I'm looking for something other than fucking seeds or vegetables to eat. What the fuck is this shit... chia seeds... seriously did Fatin became a bloody model for Victoria's secret without telling us?  
\- She clearly has the body for it!  
\- Oh, oh, apparently someone spend some time ogling Fatin during our impromptu showers at the waterfall...I thought I was the only one.  
\- Did you check out Fatin as well?   
\- Whoah, relax, Leah. I'm just messing with you. Jealous much? Well, then to be honest, I'll admit I did take a look or two. Girl, for a lesbian to be stranded on a desert island with 7 other girls is like the perfect porn scenario...  
\- I can only imagine. Seriously, what are you looking for?  
\- Peanuts, chips, takis, anything that could be considered junk food to accompany the Margaritas that your sweetheart and Shelby are making. Apparently the house wasn't in fiesta mode enough for Fatin this morning...any idea what could have put her in such a good mood maybe?   
\- Uh...I...no...maybe....  
\- Ah, ah. Say no more... your smile speaks for itself! Yours and Fatin's to be completly fair. Congratulations, girl, it's about time!   
\- Thanks, I guess. What do you mean, it's about time?  
\- I don't think I'm mistaken when I say that you hadn't taken the time to talk about it since your languid kisses since that famous evening...  
\- Oh, I didn't know Fatin had mentioned it to you.   
\- Nope, Your girl is not one to kiss and tell, believe me. It's just that I saw you that night before things got out of hand. In fact, I think I owe you both an apology...   
\- No, not need to apologise. Truth be told, I feel that we just weren't ready to talk about it yet.   
\- Ok. Well, good then. Anyway I'm happy for you. You deserve it so much.  
Leah then kisses me on the cheek before hugging me with force. Hell, she and Fatin are really a match made in heaven, fucking hug addicts. Those two will never stop touching each other.  
\- You deserve to be happy too Toni.  
\- I know.   
\- With or without her...  
\- What???!!!! What did Fatin tell you... I can't fucking believe it...  
\- Nothing! No Toni, listen, you're not the only one who has seen things...  
\- What?   
\- On the island...one day I wanted to isolate myself from the girls and calm myself down. Water has always had this effect on me, since I was a child. But considering that a few days before I'd gone crazy once again, I told myself that the girls probably wouldn't let me immerse myself for long seconds underwater. So I decided to go to the waterfall by myself. But when I arrived I realised I wasn't alone. You and Shelby obviously had the same idea.  
\- Oh, for fuck's sake, please tell me we were dressed?   
\- Not really,nope, sorry. If it makes you feel any better, I looked as disturbed by what I saw as you do right now. Anyway, I immediately went back to the camp. And I never told anyone about it.   
\- Thanks. And sorry, I guess.  
\- Anyway, between what I saw and your behaviour over the last few months and hers, I quickly understood what was going on. beetween the two of you. I've been wanting to talk to you about it for a while.   
\- There's not really much to tell... Shelby and I were a mistake... Another cursed experience on this fucking island.   
\- Toni...I know it was more than that or you wouldn't be reacting the way you are. In any case if you ever need to talk about it, or step back or anything, I'm here for you.   
\- I know Leah. Thank you. And if you ever get tired of Fatin and her wandering hands, I can be there for you too.   
\- You got it. Also, I don't really see myself complaining about that. Come on, I think we've got enough food for a whole regiment!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again i really hope that you'll enjoy this chapter. I also wanna thank you all for reading my story. Also good week end for everyone, i'll try to add another chapter this week-end.

## Shelby’s PoV

As soon as Fatin and I have prepared enough Margaritas for a whole battalion, Fatin sets the cocktail jar and all the glasses on a tray and begins to walk towards the swimming pool area carrying it all.  
\- You go ahead, I'll tidy up and clean up before I'll join you.   
\- Are you sure?   
\- Yes, I'm a bit of a tidy freak.  
\- You won't heard any complaint from me about that. Feel free to indulge your addiction in my casa Princess.  
As soon as she is far enough away I start making myself a virgin Margarita. I hurry because I don't want Fatin or any other girl catching me doing it. Luckily I am fast. I've barely finished packing up everything we've used when Leah and Toni enter the living room with their arms full of food.  
\- Oh my god, that's a awfull lot of food, isn't it?  
\- I agree, believe me. But I think that maybe Toni was a little hungry.   
\- What? Toni said with her mouth full.  
I can't help but smile. Toni is very greedy, she is always hungry and spends a good part of her day munching various type of food. I don't know how she has managed to hold it together on the island and not completely freak out. She must have been starving all the damn time. More importantly I don't know how she can have such a perfect body...I mean an athletic one...eating the way she does. Especially since what she prefers above all else is junk food.  
\- Classy as always Shalifoe.   
\- Bite me Rilke.   
\- No fucking way! Say Fatin who's back in the living room. Come on, chop chop, let's go to the pool! Let's get this party started.   
\- Seriously Fatin if you're going to be this bubbly during this little reunion and from now on I'm not going to be able to handle you or even be anywhere near you!   
\- There's a crappy motel a few miles away if I'm in a too good a mood for you, T. Something really sketchy just like you like it.   
\- Let me doubt it... fucking 1 percenters.  
Fatin is about to retort when Rachel begins to tell us with more or less delicacy to hurry up because she is thirsty and hungry.  
\- Did you make another Margarita? Ask Fatin suspiciously. Were you afraid we were going to run out of it girl? I feel you Man!   
\- Ah, ah yes that's it. I know how you party and drink, you and all of them really. Let's just say that restraint is not your greatest quality.   
\- Takes one to know one girl.  
As soon as I reach the poolside I approach Martha.  
\- Do you mind if I sit with you?   
\- Of course not. We can talk some more. I've always dreamed of sipping an elaborate cocktail by a beautiful swimming pool while remaking the world with a female friend of mine.   
\- You've never done that with Toni?  
\- Can you really envision Toni in this little scenario?  
\- Yes. No, indeed. I guess it's not really her thing.   
\- Ok, girls I think it's time for a toast, I say.   
\- It's about fucking time!  
\- Hey, Dot nothing's stopping you from preparing something to eat or drink. Fatin casa es su casa.   
\- Relax Toni.   
\- Yeah, sorry. So what are we toasting to?  
\- To the fact that we're all still alive, and it was a fucking long shot! Dot says with a smile, but also with a hint of bitterness.  
\- Preach girl! exclaims Fatin.  
Leah then slowly moves closer to Fatin and sits on the same lounger than her. Fatin then moves slowly forward to be only a few centimetres behind her. Leah starts to grab a few pieces of celery sticks and dips them in a sauce before biting into it. Fatin smiles and Leah lets her taste it too.  
\- Hmm, delicious!  
\- And what about the sauce? Laugh then Toni.   
\- Can I also make a quick toast? Then ask Martha.   
\- Of course Martha, no need to ask, I said immediately.  
\- I wanted to propose a toast to Fatin to tell her how grateful I am to her for bringing us all together again. Thanks to you, I imagine it wasn't easy to find a date who suited everyone and to make sure we were all going to be there after all. But it's so precious. It is thanks to you that we will finally be able to spend some good times together and try to leave behind us all the bad memories related to this island and that crazy sociopath. And it's also thanks to you that we will be able to reunite with people we care about so much...in a few words, before that I drop my tears, I just wanted to tell you how grateful I am to you.  
I then take Martha in my arms before kissing her gently on the forehead. I will never get used to the fact that she is such a good and kind person. Then I notice that Martha and Toni are locked in a staring contest. I am genuinely happy that these two were able to put an end to their quarrel. I imagine that Toni also wants to take Martha in her arms but that my presence makes her reconsider her actions.  
\- I too would like to make a toast, said Leah. I'm also very happy to be able to spend some quality time with each and everyone of you and to be able to try to gradually turn the page on the Gretchen Klein adventure. But above all I would like to toast to Fatin. I would like to tell her how grateful I am to her for always being there for me, in the moments when I am not doing well but also in the moments when I am doing well. And lately I have been doing well more and more often and it is largely thanks to her.  
Leah then turns to Fatin and takes her hands in hers.  
\- Thanks to you. You always know what to say or do to put a smile on my face and warmth in my heart. If there is one thing I don't regret since this story began it is that it has brought us closer together. I don't know if without it we would have ever been any close. But what I do know is that now that you have come into my life, I couldn't imagine doing without you anymore.   
\- That's good because you're going to have a hard time getting rid of me, especially now that I can do that every time I feel like it!  
All of a sudden Fatin gives Leah a languid kiss.  
\- Go on Girl! Dot exclaims.   
\- It's about time, says Toni.   
\- Ah well, for a toast it's a fucking one, well done girls, laughs Rachel.  
\- Congratulations girls, says Norah.  
\- I knew it, exclaimed Martha.  
I'm the only one who doesn't know what to say. Of course I'm happy for Fatin and Leah. They both deserve to be happy, and I'm sure they will be trully blessed with each other. Their coming together makes sense. But it's also hard for me to see them kissing and being so comfortable doing it in front of all of us. And then I can't help feeling a little melancholic, thinking that at one time I myself was as happy and carefree as they were in Toni's arms... At that very moment I look up at her and notice the dark look she casts in my direction.  
\- Don't you have anything to say to them Princess? Still as uncomfortable as ever at the idea that two girls can have real feelings for each other... I guess that you can take the bloody Texan accent out of the girl, but not the homophobia after all. I would like to say that I'm surprised, but I'm not!   
\- No... I ... I ... I don't ... it's not...  
\- Toni put away your claws, this is not the time!   
\- Fatin, don't fucking tell me you don't want to say anything to her while she's ...  
\- Yes Toni! I'm not going to tell her anything because this is neither the time nor the question.  
\- Fuck, I have nothing against you being together! Fatin, Leah I swear! I just didn't know what to tell you. I'm glad that you found the person who makes you happy and that you can experience this together. I really am.  
Then I start to feel a tear running down my cheek. Leah gets up and gently hugs me.  
\- Thank you Shelby. And I know you have nothing against me and Fatin and our relationship. And everyone here believes you. Don't they?  
The other girls nod and I feel Martha gently caressing my back, probably to reassure me of her support. Toni then looks down and Fatin gets up and approaches her before slapping her on the back of the head.  
\- Now might be the right fucking time to tone it down and say that once again you should have put your foot in your mouth before even considering talking?   
\- Fatin, really...  
\- Now Toni!  
\- It's OK Fatin, it's not important ...  
\- Yes Shelby, right now it's her turn to apologize.  
\- Ok! For fuck sake! Listen Shelby, I'm sorry I thought that, on this occasion, you were afraid that homosexuality could be a contagious or even a disease.  
\- Thank you.  
\- Well, enough with the toasts and tensions. Now it's time to drink! Fatin says as he swallows half her cocktail.   
\- Well spoken as always! Dot then follows suit.  
Now it's my turn to start drinking my non-alcoholic cocktail. Fatin joins Leah and me and she too takes me in her arms, while the other girls start to disperse. Some dance, others jump in the pool. It looks like the party is officially underway.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, happy wednesday to every one. I hope you're all having a nice week so far. I've been pretty occupied while on holidays, hence the delay beetween the new chapters. Sorry. It will be easier for me to update more often once I'll be back at work, weirdly enough. Anyway, I hope you'll like this one. i'm already working on the next one.

## Fatin’s PoV

The party is now finally in full swing. The music is playing loud and clear. The bursts of laughter are numerous and powerful. I am so happy to see that everyone is actually enjoying themselves. We clearly deserved it after all we had to endure on the island and with all the repercussions that followed. As always I can't help but keep an eye on Toni. Not surprisingly she has already had a lot to drink compared to most girls, but it is still less than what she has been drinking lately. And then she smiles and laughs with Martha and Nora and that is clearly something new. I am about to join them when I feel two arms reaching for me and hugging me from behind. I don't have to turn around to know it's Leah. My body immediatly recognize hers.  
\- I can't believe that before I got stuck on this island by your side I never realised how selfless and always attentive to others you can be. It's like I've discovered a whole new person.  
\- Honestly Lee I think I've changed a lot being around all of the girls, and especially you.   
\- Me?  
\- Yes, as soon as I noticed that you needed support on the island it was stronger than me, it was like I was invested with a mission. I felt the need to be there for you, but also for me.   
\- And I will never be grateful enough. I don't think I've ever told you this before, but I'm not sure I could have survived this horrible experience without you.   
\- Really? And how do you intend to repay me for my positive input Miss Rilke?  
\- I'm not completely sure yet. Any ideas perhaps?  
\- Oh yes, tons of ideas...but I'm not sure than I can voice all of them out loud, especially in public.  
I then kiss her languidly. Very quickly I feel her tongue caressing my lips, without a single hesitation I open my mouth and happily welcome her tongue. Our kiss becomes more and more intense. My hands begin to go down along her back and gradually take their place at the bottom of her loins and at the edge of her ass. A shiver runs through Leah's body. I fucking love knowing that I'm having such an effect on her! In fact and for the first time in my life I even notice that the effect I have on her and her pleasure is more important to me than my own sensations. It's crazy considering that before my actions have very often been guided by my quest for my own individual pleasure, now I always try to make sure that she is feeling everything first. And without really realising it, my hands are now on her buttocks and they are massaging her ass with more and more ardour. Leah lets out a very guttural moan. It's then my turn to be traversed by a shiver of pleasure.  
\- Um, never before kissing someone has driven me so crazy.   
\- Don't tell me about it! If someone ever told me that I could be that wet only by kissing someone I'd immediately tell them to cut the bullshits!   
\- Uh girls... I think taht I'll leave you guys for a bit and join the others in the pool.   
\- Oops, sorry Rachel. I can't help it, Leah drives me crazy!  
\- Yeah, that's what I thought I heard, or so I thought.  
Rachel rejoins the rest of the group. I immediately start again my advances on Leah.  
\- Um, it's so good that I don't even remember what I came to tell you...  
\- Basically how great and compassionate I was.  
\- Oh yeah... stay fucking focused Leah.   
I'm smiling as I see how hard it is for Leah to stay concentrated. To make things a little harder for her I put my leg between hers and use my hands to move her pelvis forward against mine. I even start to grind against her. Then I very gently let my fingertips go down below the backline of her trousers.  
\- Oh you so don't play fair Miss Jadmani!   
\- You have no idea Miss Rilke.   
I then grab her right earlobe between my lips and suck it before biting it very lightly.  
\- For fuck sake ! You're such a bloody tease.  
\- Is it working?  
\- You have no idea. Oh I wish that we were alone right now.  
\- Um...um... I know what you mean Leah, oh so damn much!  
\- So, so...if I came to join you it wasn't just for this very hot make-out session, even though you'll never hear me complain about it! Yes, I wanted to tell you not to worry too much about Toni. I feel like things are going a bit better for her.   
\- I don't know. There have been so many times in the last few months when I've thought the same thing before I realised that it wasn't so... and the last time was a month ago, just before I found her almost dead...  
\- I know. I remember the state you were in...  
\- I really thought it was too late and that I had lost her.   
I can't help it, I burst into tears immediately after saying these words. Leah completely embraces me and whispers reassuring words to me. Gradually I regain my calm.   
\- Look, she's here now, among us and I think she was just as scared as you were hat near death experience and she understood that she had to ease things up a bit.   
\- I hope you are right.   
\- And I also imagine that if she and Shelby finally manage to talk about their situation it can only help to improve things for Toni as well.  
\- Yeah...what...huh! Did they talk to you about it?  
\- No, they didn't. When we were still on the island I surprised them, without them seeing me. I immediately told myself that they were not ready to talk to us about it and that I wasn't going to rush them. I really thought things were going to last between the two of them. But as soon as we entered the airport lobby and I saw Shelby's whole body stiffen up I knew things were going to get a lot more complicated. At that moment, when I saw the despair in Toni's eyes I had a furious desire to grasp Shelby and shake her up so that she realised the huge mistake she was about to make.   
\- Oh believe me I understand you, I had to hold back from taking a plane ticket to Minnesota to go and tell her what I thought about it several times. But I quickly understood that it would be useless and that she was probably too much of a loose end at this point in time.  
\- I really can't understand how she could do this. They seemed so close and infatuated with each other when I saw them, and the few times I could see them both away from the group's gaze after that.  
\- I guess Shelby had good reasons to do such a terrible thing. I just hope they can put aside their resentments and move forward, together or not...  
\- I hope it will be together nevertheless...  
\- That, my dear, is because you are an incorrigible romantic.   
\- That's true enough. But I know now that you can be too.  
\- Crap you've just exposed my secret identity/power, I must confess. But not with just anyone though.  
\- I'm not going to complain. I just feel so lucky to be able to witness it.  
After another intense make-out session, we rejoin the other girls right next to the swimming pool. I'm about to settle down on a deckchair when Leah starts to take off her clothes showing off a particularly revealing and sexy bikini. I think I'm drooling. I also decide then to put on my swimming costume and join them in the pool.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 15th chapter already, I can't believe that I'm already there. And this story is far from being done. Hopefully you'll stay with me for the forthcoming ones. Anyway, enjoy this new chapter and feel free to tell me what you thought about it.

## Toni’s PoV

I am playing volleyball in the pool with Marthy, Nora and Rachel. Martha and I are clearly taking a real lesson on how to play that game right now. No wonder though, with Rachel's competitive nature and the fact that I'm slightly drunk. On top of that, the only few times Martha and I have ever succeeded to score a damn point, Martha is so sorry when faced with Rachel's sulky pout that she plays even worse for the next ones... But honestly I don't really care, I'm having a really good time. Fuck I missed that and them so damn much! Without really thinking about it, and in a middle of a ball exchange I rush over to Martha and give her a very big hug. I also take the opportunity to kiss her cheek.   
\- Toni! There you go, you've just made me miss the ball.  
\- Who cares! Also let's be honest Martha, you know as well as I do that you would have missed it anyway.   
\- Not completely wrong, but we can at least try to create an illusion, can't we?   
\- Ah, ah. I suppose so.   
\- And then what's this sudden surge of affection? I thought the great Toni Shalifoe never let her emotions show?  
\- Pffff... that's a whole bunch of bullshit! Yeah, Big T. is just more discreet than average but she's clearly a fucking romantic at heart!  
\- Oh, shut up, Fatin. Have you finally finished devouring Leah's face?   
\- For the moment yes, but I can't guarantee that I won't be needing a little more in the near future. Jealous much Queen of the Lesbos ?  
\- Of you??!! No thanks I'll be too scared of getting some STDs.   
\- Ah, ah, no risk as you must have been immune to most of them by now. No ?   
\- So it's not exactly like that, it depends on... starts Nora.  
\- I think they're just spiking each other, Nora, you don't need to go into your full Dictionary mode. Her sister replies.  
\- Anyway, bitches, volleyball, and sports in general, isn't really for me. What do you suggest instead?   
\- It's surprising that you're not athletic... with such a body... says Leah while honestly perving on her girl! I swear that those two are gonna be so bad together!  
\- Ok Leah, seriously, stop! We understand you have a huge gay crush on each other, the message got out loud and clear... laughs Rachel.   
\- She's right, if you really can't try to hold it together in our presence, at least get a bloody room! There are innocent eyes and souls here.   
\- Pffff... Innocent my ass, there isn't a single cell in your body that can be considered as innocent girl, especially lately!  
\- True enough, but I was talking about Martha, Nora or even Miss Texas over there...  
\- Er thanks Toni but I'm not completely "innocent" either and ...well...I...anyway I don't mind it girls, you can carry on.  
As soon as Nora is done talking, Fatin throws herself on Leah and kisses her languidly.  
\- No, but seriously, Toni is right, are you in heat or what?   
\- Exactly!  
A brilliant idea then crosses my mind. I approach Leah and Fatin and splash them copiously with water, before pulling Fatin by the feet and throwing her into the pool. She is surprised and lets out a scream. Leah manages to keep her balance and not fall into the water. She then bursts out laughing. Well, apparently the only one who is now going to want me dead is Fatin. It's all right, I'm not afraid with her chicken strength!  
\- Fuck you Shalifoe, it's official you're dead!  
\- Oh Fatin, I'm sorry, I thought you were too hot and needed to cool down.   
\- My ass yeah, you're just a fucking pain in the ass.   
\- Looks like getting all wet doesn't put you in a good mood now does it?...  
\- It depends by whom and how it is done, she answers me with her signature smile.   
\- Yuck, really bitch! Seriously get a fucking room.   
\- Need I remind you that you share yours with Leah. A sudden urge to attend a little personalised show?   
\- Clearly not no. Just go to yours, this is your home after all.   
\- Yes, but I share it with Shelby, in case you've forgotten.   
\- What the fuck do I look like I care?! At least you're sure Miss Chastity won't stay to watch, and God forbid even less to participate!  
\- Toni! Martha seems upset at me right now.   
\- Indeed, I definetly won't be the kind of person to engage myself in such activities. Also, I wanna add that I would really appreciate it if my room, and especially the bed I spend my nights in, remained a sexless zone until the end of our vacation.  
\- I'll try to remember that. But to be completly honest I can't really swear to you afterwards either...  
\- Fatin, really?   
\- What, you super-religious guys aren't, like, opposed to swearing, isn't that some kind of blasphemy or something?   
\- Oh, I see... it's only so I don't get offended... Ah, ah.  
\- There you go. (Laughs) But I'm surprised there's a total ban on sex in our bedroom, really?  
\- Yes, Shelby, don't you plan to take advantage of this stay to meet a handsome Californian, blond with blue eyes, religious fanatic, probably still a virgin and who could become the father of your 3 or say 4 picture perfect children? Such a shame really...  
Just by saying these few words I feel uncomfortable. The idea of her being with someone else...anyone...is still hard for me to bear. Of course I am far from stupid and I can imagine that since she left me she has probably already fallen back into the arms of her stupid boyfriend. I can imagine how proud their two families are of the forthcoming marriage of these two perfect individuals, if only they knew... If only they knew how much Miss Perfect isn't so flawless or even straight after all. How capable she is of abandoning herself in my...shit! What the fuck is wrong with me! I really need to stop torturing myself with the past. I need to move on. Shelby and I are ancient history and clearly it was a fucking mistake.  
\- No, it wasn't. I have no intention of taking advantage of my stay here to meet someone...anyone really.   
\- Might it be because you already have your heart taken? Ask Martha... always so romantic, even in her formulations.  
\- Yeah, how is good old Andrew? asks Dot.   
\- Sorry to disappoint you Dot but I haven't the faintest idea.  
\- The ideal son-in-law is no longer part of the family picture? What a bummer... I say with a hint of bitterness.  
\- Er...no, when I came back I needed to concentrate a little on myself. And then finally I realised that Andrew and I were not in a relationship that could last and in which we could fully blossom, express and accomplish ourselves.  
\- Well said girl, it's about time you dumped that cheating moron! I drink to that fortunate decision!  
\- Uh...thanks I guess Dottie.  
\- That doesn't really answer Matha's question though... we can always trust Leah to get her feet in the door.  
\- No, I'm single at the moment. Not that I'm looking for anyone ...  
\- Anyone? I am surprised by her choice of vocabulary.  
\- A boyfriend I mean.  
\- Of course...  
\- Ok, so it's clear that Fatin and Leah are a match made in heaven or lust, Shelby is alone. I'm happy in my relationship, even though at times it may be complicated, with Mattéo, but what about you guys?  
\- I don't have the time to get into a relationship right now, I decided to put my heart and soul into my studies to become a professionnal diving coach.  
\- I just met someone in my poetry group in college. His name is Matthew, but it's still too early to really talk about a relationship. We just spend time together and get to know each other.  
\- Yes, and he better live up to your sister's standards.   
\- What about you Martha? asks Leah.  
\- There's a boy in my dorm at college who I like. But I'm not sure the feeling is mutual...he's so...different from me.  
\- Oh damn Marthan, so you haven't learnt anything from what I taught you on that bloody island, you're a golden girl! You're perfect just the way you are girl, he is the lucky one that you even noticed him! Well clearly I'm going to have to intensify my coaching with you over the next two weeks.  
\- Uh...ok...ok...ok. Thanks Fatin. And you, Toni, have you had any interesting encounters since you've been living here?  
I'm about to answer when Fatin bursts out laughing and exclaims: "Ah well, that's the least we can say! ».  
\- Oh shut up Fatin, don't try to make me look like a fucking whore.  
\- I didn't say that T. I'm just saying you've been busy in that area, that's all. And there's nothing wrong with that. It's not like you're in a relationship with someone, so you're taking advantage of your celibacy and you're so damn right about doing so!  
\- Good catch, sweetie. Whisper Leah in Fatin's ear.   
\- Yes, I've met a few people, but nothing serious. I'm not about to make the mistake of committing to a relationship again. It's useless, in the end I always end up alone.  
\- You are referring to Regan, right? You know you've changed a lot since then from what I see and so has she, maybe it would do you good to talk with each other again. You've obviously been more impacted by your break-up than I thought, so it could only benefit you.  
\- Uh... Regan...yes...sure...  
\- You know Martha, sometimes some relationships do more harm than good to the people involved and it's better to forget about them and never look into them again, sometimes it helps to move on and keep moving forward.  
\- Whoahh Fatin, is it the fact that now your regularly exchange saliva with Leah that makes you talk so smart?  
\- Oh shut up Shalifoe! That'll teach me to try to stand up for you! She says while discreetly nodding in Shelby’s direction.  
As I am about to respond I turn my head towards Shelby for a split second and notice that she looks uncomfortable. I don't know if it's the fact that I'm talking about relationships, my sexcapades or the obvious innuendo launched by Fatin. It doesn't matter, I guess.  
\- Well, at the risk of channelling my inner Shelby, I would like to propose you to spice up the evening a little with some little ice breakers, including loads and loads of alcohol. Consider that a souvenir of the good old days spent at La casa de Gretchen.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here come a new one, with a new ice breacker, hopefully as good as the previous one. Although the night is still young for our girls. Enjoy and maybe if you feel like it tell me what you thought of it.

## Shelby’s PoV

As soon as Fatin announces that we are now going to continue with some little ice breaker alcoholic games I feel my heartbeat accelerating. Suddenly I get closer to Martha. It's probably stupid but I know that being next to her will have a calming effect on me. And that's clearly what I need right now.  
\- Do you mind if I sit next to you? I'm asking as a courtesy.  
\- Of course not, Shelby. You must be happy that Fatin came up with this idea, you who love these games so much?   
\- Uh... yes... of course.  
If only she knew... With all the things I've been hiding from myself and others lately, I'd have to be the queen of masochism to even slightly appreciate this kind of game at the moment. But I imagine it would look even more suspicious if I suddenly left the party at that very precise moment. I'll have to do what I do best, create an illusion and try to let my emotions show as little as possible. Suddenly I notice that Leah is also sitting next to me.  
\- Hey, relax, everything's going to be fine.  
\- Yeah, I hope so.   
\- Well then, I suggest that we start off gently with, nonetheless, a little classic "two truths and a lie".   
\- Great idea! Exclaims almost all the girls.   
\- May I begin, I'm afraid I won't have too many ideas afterwards. Martha asks shyly.   
\- Of course, come on, make us dream Marthy! The floor is all yours! Encourages Fatin.  
I put my hand behind her back to encourage her as well. I know how intimidated Martha can be by this kind of situation. From the moment I met her on the plane I immediately felt the kindness in her soul and that a true and powerful friendship could emerge between the two of us. Martha reminds me so much of Becca and I always do my best to help, encourage and protect her. It is probably futile but I guess I am trying to learn from my past mistakes and make amends for my particularly poor behaviour regarding Becca. I have blamed myself so much and I know I will have to live my whole life with these regrets. So if I can try to redeem myself a little, that's a good start. And doing it for Martha's sake makes it so easy and enjoyable.  
\- Okay, I'll go for it. So I'm still a virgin, I'm allergic to kiwis and I can burp the whole alphabet.   
\- Ah, ah. Also Toni, you're out of competition for this one! So who wants to try and unlock the secrets of our dear Marthy?  
\- OK, I'll go for it.  
I hasten to say. I feel like I'm playing it safe by going against Martha. Well then, let's think about it. I'm pretty sure Martha is still a virgin. I know she's like me and she doesn't take it lightly and she won't give her virginity away to anyone. She will only do it when she is ready and sure it is with the right person. So she's either allergic to kiwis or she knows how to burp better than anyone else. I have to admit that I can't imagine Martha doing such a vile thing.  
\- Ok, you clearly can't burp the whole alphabet, you're too distinguished for that.   
\- Sorry to disappoint you Shelby but you're going to have to take your first sip.   
\- What? No, you're bluffing...  
I don't have time to say something than Martha is already embarking on a rather original and clearly disgusting interpretation of the alphabet. All the girls except Toni are stunned. Dot, Fatin and Leah can't help but burst out laughing. And I confess that after a few seconds I join them. Seeing such a delicate Martha do this is hilarious.  
\- That's my girl! Go Martha, Go Martha, cheers Toni.   
\- Whoah, I'm impressed girl, even I can't do it but how did you discover this talent?   
\- Ah, ah. Dot, I think I'm the one to blame. I learned how to do this in one of my first foster homes, a drunkard's hangout really, and I was eager to share my knowledge with Martha.   
\- Well at first it wasn't easy, and then it was a bit disgusting. But Toni was so proud to teach me something that I practiced for weeks. But even though I've mastered it, I wanna make it clear that I rarely do it nowadays, unlike Miss Shalifoe here!   
\- What do you want I am a very classy girl! That’s my brand!  
I should be surprised to hear this story, but the truth is that it's not that unusual after all. I can't help but smile as I imagine a miniature version of Toni, well, just a little smaller than today's, her face full of freckles, all excited at the thought of teaching Martha something disgusting.  
\- Ok, Princess, it's your turn now, says Fatin.  
Shit, I hadn't thought about the fact that if I played against Martha it would be my turn right after hers. Well then... it's not like I really lack the lies, I've become a specialist over the years. It's more the truth that bothers me. She and I have always been rather apprehensive about each other. Having said that, I have only been able to get in touch with my own truths in the last few years, and then only intermittently. The truths of my father, of my community and of the Bible have always taken over my own ones... So, let's see... I torture my mind for a few minutes before almost whispering...:  
\- So, I was voted most likely to succeed in High School, once I faked being sick to avoid going to a pageant competition, and finally, I've always dreamed of learning to play the guitar.   
\- Not very scandalous... even I can do better, Nora laughs.   
\- It's only the beginning of the evening, so you're off the hook this time, girl, but you'll have to spice up your game a bit afterwards, Fatin pretends to threaten me, while laughing.   
\- Well, this time it's me who can't play. Say, Dot, before asking who's going to play in front of me.   
\- Me, exclaims Leah.  
She then looks at me insistently, probably to make me understand that she's doing this to support me and temper my stress level.  
\- Well then, Leah begins, it's obvious to me that the pro of beauty pageant must also have been the queen bee in high school and so clearly you won the popularity contest. That's the easy truth. Then, I tell myself that with all the campfire parties you did in your childhood, in your congregation and in your family, you must be a guitar pro. On the other hand, I find it hard to believe that you could have lied about your health and especially not to attend a beauty queen contest. So this is the obvious lie.   
\- Sorry Leah but you're going to have to drink for that run...  
\- Really?   
\- Yes. You guessed right for the first one, but no, I can't play the guitar. If I've spent many hours singing around a campfire I've never had the chance to learn to play the guitar. It was always my father who played for us. And my parents always thought that if I had to learn to play an instrument, it was the piano or nothing. They always told me it is more delicate and graceful, more adequate for a girl you know.  
\- Pffff...sighs Toni.   
\- And why didn't you try to learn by yourself afterwards, Leah asks.   
\- I don't know, I guess I didn't really have the time afterwards.  
\- Ok, well it's my turn now, says Leah.  
We keep playing this game for a little while. One turn follows another. When it's Toni's turn, Nora tries to untangle the real from the fake. Unlike the other girls I wasn't surprised to learn that Toni is still afraid of the dark at night, and that she has never had a room to herself. During our long hours of talking on the island we used to ask each other hundreds of questions and exchange many memories. How much things have changed between us since then...and I'm the only one to blame for it!   
Once this game is over Martha suggests that we now play a game of "Never Have I Ever". Fuck... I feel like it's going to be one of those long evenings and it's not really pleasant for me. I notice that Toni doesn't seem happy with the way things are going either. Before we start this new game I pretend to have to go to the toilet to get a non-alcoholic cocktail as discreetly as possible.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone... Rise and Shine it's monday!  
> Here comes the new chapter. I'm already working on the next one so there will also be an update tomorrow. I hope you'll like it.   
> Also don't hate me too much for ending it on a small cliffhanger...i thought it could help motivate me to right the next one sooner. Don't feel shy to tell me what you thought about it.

##  Fatin’s PoV 

-Ok Bitches now it’s time to spice things up a bit with a round of Never Have I Ever! I’ll start...in memory of the good old days... Let’s see...hum...Never Have I Ever completely blacked out after a wild night of partying!  
-Hell Yeah, I’m so drinking to that one, cheers Dot before taking a very large gulp.  
\- Yup, me too! Says Toni while winking at me.  
\- Oh no missy, you shouldn’t be too happy of yourself for that one! I immediately respond her.   
I'm not surprised for a second that Leah, Rachel and Dot also take a sip. On the other hand, when I notice that Shelby does the same my eyes almost pop out of their sockets.   
-Woaahh, Shelb I'm on my ass right now! You, little miss perfect, you have already drunk so much that you don't remember anything.  
\- Not much whatsoever...  
-Fuck, tell me all about it! What's the goss? I can't believe it...  
-Fatin I don't think... starts Leah before being interrupted by Shelby...  
\- It's nothing Leah, to be honest there isn't really much to tell anyway. It was just over a month ago I went to a party organised by some students that one of my friend knew. I started to drink a little bit, and then I realised that alcohol consumption helped me to be more loosened up and enjoying the party, so I kept drinking, and I guess I drank too much because after a while things started to get a bit fuzzier in my mind. Mostly I remember dancing a lot, and laughing a lot...  
\- A really good evening all in all, exclaims Dot.   
-Yes, I guess it was. I'm not too used to this kind of nights out though.   
\- Welcome to real life Texas! Said Tony, taking a big sip.  
\- Ok, your turn Tony. Try not to let the excitement go down after my rather successful and interesting start of this game.  
\- I'll try girl but be careful your ankles might end up exploding with all this self love. Right, ok, so Never Have I Ever had sex with someone without even knowing or remembering her name.   
Immediately after making her statement Toni drinks at least 3 sips. And again I guess that's a far cry from what I've witnessed her doing since she moved to LA.   
\- Do we agree that it also works if it's a boy? asks Dot.   
\- It's probably definetly not as good and satisfacting but yes I guess it does... laughs Toni. Yo, Fatin don't keep us waiting for you to drink, loads I can only presume!   
\- Don't worry Shalifoe, I never regret anything and I take full responsibility for everything or rather everyone I have done.  
I then notice that Dot and Leah also drink, with Toni and me they are the only ones to do so. Shelby looks down. I don't know if she is embarrassed or if she doesn't approve of Toni's response. Then I realise that Leah looks embarrassed too, so I wink at her, I want her to understand that I will never judge her but also that I am serious about her. Leah smiles at me and it warms my heart to see that we understand each other without really needing words. I then turn my head very discreetly towards Shelby and I am more than astonished to see that very discreetly she brings her glass to her lips and in a split second she takes a small sip. I trust that Shelby will never cease to surprise me, for good or for bad. She then notices that I have seen her and she whispers to me "later". Of course, this must not be a story she wants to share with everyone. But I have to admit that, curious as I am, I can't wait to find out more about her story.   
\- Ah my turn, Fatin, I apologise in advance but mine will be less scandalous, I clearly want to drink too, says Martha. So, Never Have I Ever stole something in a store.  
\- Oh gosh story of my life Marty, welcome to the world of poor white trash america living in the depths of a small shitty Texas town, laughs Dot while drinking.   
\- On the other hand, Martha, I must admit I am shocked. I didn't really take you for the modern, feminine and way more sophisticated version of Arsène Lupin.  
\- I wouldn't go that far, Rachel. It was just this one time, I was 8 or 9 years old. There was this book that I really wanted. I knew my mother didn't have enough money to buy all the foods and ingredients on her list, so I didn't even bother to ask her, I just hid it under my shirt. I have never been so scared in my life. My heart almost exploded. This experience really made me never want to do it again. In fact I'm pretty sure that as soon as I finished reading it I brought it back.  
\- Ah Martha, I recognize you there. You should have told me, I would have taken it for you, I was pretty good at shoplifting without getting caught. When you're really hungry, you develop a whole lot of strategy for that. And you, Fatin, never stolel anything, not out of need, but to feel the thrill of a proletarian's life?   
\- Very funny Shalifoe, but no, well nothing in a shop, you all know what I did with my progenitor's watches, but this scumbag had well deserved it.   
\- Damn right, serve this asshole right! Toni is right though Martha, even when you try to cross over to the other side of morality, it's stronger than you, you do it for the right reasons and the story is so cute, says Shelby before taking Martha in her arms and putting a kiss on the top of her head.   
\- Ok, I'm going to do it now says Dot. Then Never Have I Ever faked an orgasm.   
\- Oh no, poor Dot! Please tell me that's not our dear Mattéo! I had placed so much hope in that guy ! Maybe that I also had some wild fantasies about him and you in a very torrid sexcapade on the washing machine??!! Who knows, ah ah.   
\- Fatin I love you but sometimes you trully disgust me. Don't take this the wrong way though.   
\- No, don't worry, I'm used to people saying that to me. Surprisingly, this is a remark that I am often made. But don't try to distract me, Mattéo is not gifted with his hands or his...  
\- No! It's not about him.   
\- Hallelujah. Ooops sorry about the blasphemy Shelbs.   
\- It passes for this time Fatin, Shelby says, smiling.   
I notice that Leah drinks, I hope she never has to do that again. Well, I can promise myself and promise her that when she is ready to take that next step with me, it will become my ultimate goal to make sure she never has to do that ever again! I'm on a mission from now on, it's official! I also notice that Shelby and Toni are discreetly glaring at each other. Shelby then takes a sip, and at that moment Toni's breathing is as if cut off. But very quickly Shelby nods discreetly "no" and Toni smiles. She must be reassured. I confess that I'm also reassured as I defo consider her as a goddess of the saphic sex.   
\- Ok, Texas, it's your turn now, says Toni, her cheeks still pinkish.   
\- I'll do it. Never Have I Ever use a sex toy. She says, visibly embarrassed before she takes a sip.  
\- Oh, Shelbs, did your Jacuzzi survive your return home? And besides, I'm not sure it qualifies as a sex toy.   
\- I'm talking about a real sex toy Fatin.   
\- Can we get some details?   
\- No, Fatin! Exclaimed Martha, Rachel, Dot and Nora.   
\- I mean are you talking about using it on yourself or someone else, alone or...  
\- Seriously too much detail Girl, Dot said.   
\- Whatever, I guess all situations can be taken into account Shelby replied.  
\- Anyway, whatever your answer is, I'm going to have to drink!  
I take a sip. Like all the girls do.   
-Martha, what the fuck ? I thought you were so pure...  
\- Sorry to disappoint you Fatin, but after our discussions on the island I wanted to see what the fuss was all about ...  
-Martha, please can you stop talking like right now, Toni pleads.   
\- I have to admit that I am more impressed by the fact that Shelby has been drinking, after seeing Martha so attached to Marcus at night, spooning him, almost grinding herself on it for weeks it seems to me that it is only a logical progression.   
\- Er...I...like Martha I guess I wanted to know if it was worth it.  
\- And what are your thought on the matter now ? Rachel asks with a smile.  
\- I clearly wasn't left disappointed.   
While most of the girls are refilling their drinks, I realize that Toni and Shelby are back to staring at each other and they both have red cheeks and fairly dilated pupils. I guess that answers some of my previous questions... I am never disappointed with these two!   
\- Nora, you're going to play at some point ? asks Rachel.  
\- Er, yes. Never Have I ever pretended to be sick so I wouldn't go partying.  
\- Boring, as always, says Rachel.   
\- Hey evil sister, play nice, I say.  
All the girls, except me, drink then. As if I'm going to miss an opportunity to go out and have fun! No fucking way !  
\- Ok, I'm going for it, exclaims Leah, a little bit tipsy. Never Have I Ever had an erotic dream about a friend's family member.  
\- Leah, please tell me it wasn't an old man again?   
\- Ah, ah, Dot, no it was an older brother of a friend when we were in college. He was captain of the men's basketball team, and a real sex symbol.   
\- No wonder, it's a trademark of us captains of basketball teams, it's almost mandatory for us to be sex on legs, laughs Toni.   
\- And then you talk about my ankles, girl, I'm sure you masturbate thinking only about yourself sometimes...  
\- No, I've never tried it. Sorry to disappoint. But tell me is it any good to do so Fatin?  
\- Well if you're me, obviously, in your case I'm not sure it's worth it. So, Leah, how did it end, did you have an affair with the hottie?   
\- Oh, no, clearly not. I don't even think he ever even knew my name...  
\- Shame on him!   
I winked at her. I can't help it, I'm always on flirt mode when it comes to her.   
\- Ok, to finish this series and to stay on the same theme, says Rachel, Never Have I Ever has an erotic dream about one or several persons in our group?


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again. I'm trying to stick to my new schedule of one chapter per day. So far so good... I'm felling inspired at the moment so I'm trying to write as often as possible. Also knowing that some people like to read it is really helping so Thank you !

## Shelby’s PoV

Oh boy, as soon as I hear Rachel's sentence I know it's going to be hard to fool this one. I could cheat but, aside from my feelings and emotions, I've always found it hard to disguise reality. I guess it's not really surprising considering the way I was raised. I can see straight away that Fatin, Leah, Toni and Dot are taking a sip. At least I'm not the only one who has to plead guilty for this one. I'm not sure if that makes it easier for me though. Especially since no one, not even her, knows my answer to that one. So I try to drink as discreetly as possible. Of course Fatin and Toni notice right away that I have taken a gulp. Their reactions are quite different. Toni seems disturbed by my reaction. I confess that I don't really understand why, even though today she can rightly doubt my feelings. She, more than anyone else, must be aware of the attraction I had for her. Ever since my eyes have set on her, my body, my soul, my mind and my dreams have been flooded and crushed by her. She came into my life with the force of an earthquake and the power of a volcanic eruption. This is by far the best way I can think of to try and describe how I feel about her. To this day, despite everything that has happened, the simple fact of being in her presence is able to instantly bring my whole body to a boil. My thoughts, on the other hand, swirl tirelessly in my head without ever being able to calm down.   
\- So Fatin and Leah, I don't think I'm taking too much of a risk by imagining that these dreams were about eachothers, Rachel said. But for you Dot and Toni I'm going to need more details!   
Leah and Fatin are no longer able to take their eyes off each other or even participate in the discussion. They are clearly lost to each other in an intense session of poorly disguised seduction. As for me, even though I confess to being curious about the fantasies that Dot may have had on the island, I'm suspended by Toni's words. I can't help but hope that it is me and at the same time I am terrified that she might confirm this out loud and in front of everyone...  
\- I don't know about Toni, but as far as I'm concerned, and I'm sorry in advance Leah and know that this doesn't in any way reflect repressed feelings or anything else, but I must admit that I have dreamt about Fatin 2 or 3 times back on the island. I imagine that the time spent on the island, the tension and stress and the many allusions that Mrs Jadmani made to me ended up having a rather surprising effect on my libido. I can even thank her for some excellent night's sleep.  
\- It's the first time I've ever been thanked for a good night's sleep! laughs Fatin.   
\- What do you want, no matter how many times I tell you, my cargo trousers don't reflect my hypothetical homosexuality! These simple, brief and rather blurred images were enough for me. And honestly I think you'll be just too much for me. I must confess my obvious defeat Jadmani.   
\- Your loss Dotie, Fatin replies humorously.  
\- What about you Toni? I imagine for a lesbian to be stuck on an island with only girls must have been a prolific experience for your vivid imagination and sexdreams.  
\- Well surprisingly Rachel, not so much. At the beginning yes, but as I got to know all of you personnally and your personnal traits as the days went by, it wasn't the case anymore...  
\- Oh, feelings have taken over the libido? Fatin mouse.  
\- Nope, so what your true nature has a bromide pill effect on me, sue me! No, I'm kidding. I don't really know why, but as for Dot it only happened to me a handful of times on the island... I don't know...  
\- And since then? I can't help but ask...  
\- Uh...Tonie blushed before looking down... I guess it happened to me a few times.  
\- With all of us, Martha asks, clearly worried.  
\- Oh my God no Marthy, you're my little sister, and I'm not a monster!  
\- Not too traumatized at the idea that a girl could dream of you this way Shelby? I'm impressed, it looks like Miss Texas is loosening up, let's toast to that awakening, so says Rachel.  
I am about to answer, not really sure what I am going to be able to say without betraying anything of our history or my feelings and emotions when suddenly Fatin exclaims:  
\- Truth be told when a sex machine like Shalifoe dreams about you in this way, even if you are the Pope and or have taken a vow of chastity, you can't fight the incredible effect this has on your ego and libido!  
\- Woah Fatin, I think this is the best compliment you have ever given me. Stop it, you're going to make me blush, and I wouldn't want to risk getting Leah's lightning bolts.   
\- Don't worry Toni, I think I've begun to develop an immunity to your incessant games of seduction.   
\- Great news beautiful, said Fatin before approaching Leah and kissing her.   
\- Girls, are you sure it's a good idea to do this in front of Toni's eyes... it might give her some new materials for her dreams... laughs Nora.  
\- I don't know about her, but it might work on me, says Dot.   
Fatin, while continuing to kiss Leah, then flips her middle finger towards Dot, who explodes with laughter.   
\- Well, on this very kind attention from Fatin, I think it's time to change the game, Dot suggests.  
\- OK, but for me it will be the last one, I'm getting exhausted, Martha yawns.   
\- Ok, then we have to finish on a high note! So I suggest a pure classic "Truth or Dare", boasts Fatin.  
\- Really? Are you sure it's a good idea, asks Leah, looking at me discreetly.   
\- Leah, my angel, after having emptied our intestines, our guts and our colons one in front of the other, after having slept glued together tightly for weeks, and after having taken our "showers" together, do you really think we still have stuff to hide from eachothers?   
I don't know what Leah or the rest of the girls think, but as far as I'm concerned the answer is a huge fucking yes in flashing capital letters with a huge fireworks display in the background. A shiver runs through my body at the thought of having to play this game. But then again I have no choice.   
\- So who wants to start? asks Martha.  
\- Come on, I'll go first, Nora says. Rachel, truth or dare?   
\- Of course... I'll take truth.   
\- Ok, what do you regret most about not being able to pursue your athletic career?   
\- The satisfaction I felt every time I was able to surpass myself a little more. Every time I thought I had reached my maximum, I managed to go further and set a new limit, I always had a goal, an objective to reach, or rather to surpass. Now I often feel like I'm moving forward without knowing where I'm going and what I can or should do, it's so scary.   
\- Welcome to my life, sighs Toni.  
\- Your turn Nora. Truth or dare?  
\- Truth. What do you find most annoying about me?  
\- That you don't know how to stop in your quest for excellence, at the risk of losing everything. I wish that you could do what you love without it destroying you.   
\- I'm working on it now.   
\- Good thing girl, because now that you've entered our lives, we couldn't be loosing you, says Fatin.  
So we all begin to take Rachel in our arms.   
\- Martha, truth or dare asks Toni.  
\- Dare. I'm going to try to live a slightly wilder life for once. But don't forget that this is a dare for me, your lifelong friend!  
\- Ah, ah. I'll try to keep that in mind. So, hum... take four random ingredients from the fridge, blend them together, and drink a shot glass worth of this mixture.  
\- Whoah, when she plays, she doesn't laugh, says Nora.   
\- Girl, I thought you'd be softer with Martha, Dot wonders.   
\- Believe me, it's one of the softest dare I've ever come up with.   
\- Come on Martha, I'll go with you, I had to check the fridge anyway before going shopping tomorrow, says Fatin.  
A few moments later Fatin and Martha came back with two shots that looked really disgusting!  
\- So, what's in there, I ask?  
\- Chicken, mayonnaise, barbecue sauce, and orange juice, Martha answers me with a disgusted look on her face.   
\- And why two shots? I ask again.  
\- Well you see Shelby, I told myself that if Toni was really my friend she could go with me on this one, that's what I would do in her shoes...  
\- Not a bad technique to convince her to accept under the pressure of her own remorse, laughs Dot.  
\- Ok, ok Martha you've won, but stop looking at me with those pity eyes, you know no one can resist your lost puppy look.   
\- Not even the Great Toni Shalifoe? Laughs Leah.   
\- Oh shut up, like either of you can say no when she gives that look. Spit Toni out before she swallows her shot.   
Martha does the same thing. They both find it very hard not to vomit it all back. I have to admit the scene is quite hilarious.  
\- Ok, Toni, time for my revenge to ring out says Martha, what do you choose: truth or dare.  
\- Even though I like them so much, I'm not a god damn pussy. Dare is it! Shoot for it Marthy!  
\- Ok, so, you didn't seem to enjoy that shot, and considering the passion you put into your relationship with alcohol lately, I would be ashamed to leave you with a bad experience on this department.  
\- I'm not sure I follow you there Martha.  
\- It's easy, you can do a body shot of the alcohol of your choice...  
\- Nice and easy I like that Marthy...  
-... on Shelby!  
\- What the fuck !!!! No fucking way !  
\- Afraid you could like it too much Shalifoe?  
\- Fuck off Jadmani. Anyway, it's not as if Miss Heterosexuality here is going to accept to do such a vile activity, especially not in front of an audience, isn't that right Texas ?


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone. The new chapter arrives a bit later that what I normally post. I had a terrible night yesterday. Was waken up by my neighboor drunked and druged out screaming naked behind my door in the middle of the night after she was done partying, arguying and trashing her flat... So yeah my night was a bit rough...and I try to catch on some sleep today. I hope it will be better tonight. I'll keep my fingers crossed :-D Anyway here is the infamous dare... Hope you'll all like it ant not hate me too much on this one. Enjoy

## Toni’s PoV

My heart is pounding, I can't believe Shelby is going to agree to take part in this dare, but at the same time, and although I know how destructive it can be for me, I can only hope that she will agree. How fucking pathetic am I? Even after all this time, and even after all the pain I've felt, I can't help but try to hold on to any opportunity to be close to her again. I guess what a lot of people have said about me is true, I clearly don't learn from my past mistakes.  
\- In fact, I have no objection to that, Shelby says.  
\- What? I say puzzled.  
\- Fuck me, Pageant princess got game ! laughs Fatin.  
\- Yes, it's just a dare and then it's just a body shot. Contrary to popular beliefs I'm not some kind of prude, it won't be a first, she says blushing.  
If my heart was beating like crazy before, now it has clearly imploded. I can already feel the palms of my hands getting completely sweaty. It may sound completely crazy, but I'm the one who's almost about to refuse to take part in this dare right now. The truth is that I'm not sure that I can control my emotions around Shelby. Even though I told her I wanted nothing more to do with her, deep down I know that's not true. Even if I really wanted it to be the case, I probably won't be able to, it's just stronger than I am. I must be a glutton for suffering! So at the thought of being able to press my lips on her body again, my mind gets carried away...  
\- Ok, toni, what's your alcohol of choice for this shot? asks Dot.  
\- Uhh...I...  
\- Vodka, with peach syrup, any chance you got that Fatin? Then say Shelby.  
\- Considering the price I paid for the employees who set up and filled the bar, I could only hope so. Don't move bitches, I'll bring it back to you right away! And we don't take advantage of this to get out of it, she says, staring at me.  
Fuck, it's not true, she really wants me to explode in flight or something. Here's the thing, I'm not really a tequila fan, I've had several bad experiences with this drink in the past. And since then, if possible, I've been trying to avoid drinking it. Conversely, I love vodka and Shelby knows that. She also knows how much this alcohol can have an aphrodisiac effect on me. As far as peaches are concerned, there again she knows me well. At the beginning I had no particular addiction to this perfume, but the second my lips touched her skin for the first time, my senses were bewitched by the delicate smell of peach... and yes, surprisingly it was not the lychees that we had just eaten, but a different smell that my mind immediately associated with Shelby and since then, I must confess that I fucking love this perfume.  
\- An original choice, why not a more traditional like tequila for instance? Dot asks.  
\- You see Dot, if I have to be a willing participant in this dare, it's obviously because everyone thinks it's going to make me uncomfortable. Which I understand, given my past reactions. So I thought that to make things a bit fairer, I would choose a true girly drink for miss Shalifoe over there.  
\- Bold, I like that Goodkind, laughs Dot.  
\- Where do you want me, Toni? Ask innocently Shelby.  
\- Uhhh...  
I can't even manage to formulate a coherent sentence now and we haven't even started anything yet, it's very promising.  
\- Whoah, here I thought that Toni was a master at picking up girls, I'm a little disappointed now. You're out of order or something like that Shalifoe, Rachel laughs.  
\- Ah, ah. Very funny. Wherever you want Shelby, it doesn't matter, let's hurry up so we can keep playing, I answer, obviously uncomfortable.  
And this is only the beginning of my sorrow. Shelby then starts gently and almost languorously to take off the little white cotton summer dress she had put on her swimming costume at the beginning of the evening and she goes to the long steps by the pool. She then crouches down before lying down gently on one of these steps, her body slightly submerged. Well done Goodkind. Now to be able to do a body shot in this position I'll either have to lie almost on the ground a few inches away from her or I'll have to go straight into the pool. Ok, if you want to play this then so do I... I just take my shirt off before I slowly enter the pool. I could also have taken my shorts off but I know Shelby has often told me that she thinks it's sexier to watch me swim in shorts than in a bikini. One point for you Shelby, but one for me as well. I then notice that Fatin is back with the requested bottles and can't help but smile when I see where we have established ourselves.  
\- Afraid of being too hot Shelby? she says then.  
\- Ah, ah, no, but I told myself that we wouldn't risk staining your precious deckchairs by doing that over there.  
\- I don't mind if they are stained on good purpose !  
Fatin then hands the bottles to Shelby. She takes them before turning to me and passing them to me. Still looking falsely innocent, she says to me:  
\- I'm not really used to this kind of practice. But I'm sure that since you moved here you must have done this hundreds of times, so please do.  
So I pour vodka into the cork before pouring the contents into her belly button. Then I take the bottle of peach syrup and gently place my finger inside. Once it's covered with syrup I come to put it on her sternum, just below the elastic of her bikini top, I then draw a line down as slowly as possible towards her navel. I then try to keep my gaze in her but I only want to give a small peak at her chest. I've always been a boob addict kind of girl. I smile as I notice that since my skin has been in contact with hers, Shelby seems to have trouble keeping a calm breath and a slight goose bumps appear on her arms.  
\- It's not too cold I hope, or too hot maybe? I ask her mischievously.  
\- Er...no everything is perfect...well the temperature is perfect I mean.  
\- Smooth Goodkind, whispers Fatin before Leah gives her a light pat on the back.  
\- Yes, that's what I thought I noticed, I said with a smile.  
When she finally seems to have managed to regain control of her emotions, I put my finger to my mouth to taste the syrup, and let out a slight moan, so discreet that we are the only ones who can hear it. Then I put my finger back in the bottle and start again, this time drawing a circle around her navel.  
\- Fatin, if you want to take it all back feel free to do so, I won't need it anymore. Ready Shelby?  
She doesn't answer me out loud, she just nods her head. I then wink at her. Then, very gently and without my gaze leaving hers, I come and place my right hand on the step above the one where she is and I lower my face to the level of hers. Her breathing stops instantly and I see her body quivering. I then quickly whisper in her ear:  
\- Maybe this will help you remember that all this happened before between the two of us and that it wasn't just a figment of your imagination...  
Then I begin as sensually and delicately as possible to follow with my tongue the path traced with the syrup, first in a straight line and then around her navel. I then delicately put my other hand in her hair, in contact with her ear because I know it drives her crazy, before swallowing the vodka that resides inside her navel. As I gently stand up, I hear her moaning and then whisper "just wait a moment, please", I in turn whisper "it's not up to you what i do or don't do anymore". I then get up, get out of the pool, put my shirt back on and go back to my seat next to Martha.  
\- Woah, ok I know I've always screamed loud and clear my heterosexuality, but now I think I'm starting to wonder, it was clearly super hot, says Dot.  
\- Damn true, say Rachel and Nora in turn.  
Fatin walks up to Shelby, helps her up and hands her her dress before coming over to give me a high five.  
\- Ok Goodkind, when you get over your emotions it's your turn, said Fatin.  
\- All right, so Dot, Truth or Dare?  
\- After the last one, the bar is way too high, I'm going to go for the safest choice with truth.  
\- Wise decision indeed, tell us, if you were to have a serious, romantic relationship, I mean, with one of the girls here, who would it be?  
\- Is this a proposal Princess?  
\- What ? No, it's just a question.  
\- I'm kidding, Shelby. So let me think...  
\- What, you don't answer me immediately, oh no ... my poor little heart is broken, said Fatin, feigning an uneasiness.  
\- At the risk of disappointing you Fatin, and although I have already clearly rejected your advances over and over again, I will say Martha.  
\- What? Me? But why?  
\- I know that I should be disappointed by this umpteenth rejection, but considering your answer I validate!  
\- Yes, me too, Toni said.  
\- What, but why me, really?  
\- Martha, Fatin is right, I don't know about the girls, but in my eyes you're probably the closest to perfection, you're sweet, kind, intelligent, brave, altruistic, generous... and the list goes on and on.  
\- And the fact that you could teach your partner a lot of things about sex is definetly a great asset.  
\- Thank you Fatin for ruining emotional moments again and again! Laughs Dot.  
\- Anyway, you know I'm right.  
\- Ah, ah. Well it's my turn now, so Leah, truth or dare.  
\- And once again she breaks my heart by not choosing me... the story of my life.  
\- Uh... dare.  
\- Ok, send 'I peed my pants' to the last person you texted on your phone, and no cheating!  
\- No way... the last person I texted way my father to tell him I arrived safely.  
\- Ah, ah well done girl.  
\- Fuck it...Ok I've just send it, happy?  
\- Yup, don't forget to keep us updated on the answer though, laughs Dot.  
\- OK, so Fatin, truth or dare.  
\- With you...truth...always...  
\- Smooth babe, so what's one thing you would do if you waked up tomorrow as a male?  
\- Whoah, I didn't see that one coming.  
\- It would be a day like any other for her, I imagine, a little masturbation and on the way for a great day, laughs Toni.  
\- Nice try Shalifoe but no, I don't practice that much, well as a general rule. I prefer to be satisfied by another human being.  
\- Still not a fan of electric toothbrushes then, says Dot.  
\- Nope! Seriously though I'd love to have sex but on feeling it from the other side. I mean feeling what it's like to penetrate and not be ...  
\- Yes, we understood the idea Fatin, says Nora, a little embarrassed.  
\- Girl! You're so going to love your new life as a lesbian, I said then!  
\- Eh, but why? asks Martha.  
\- I'll let you explain that to her Fatin, and Martha never changes, I said, hugging her.  
I notice that Leah seems to have frozen since Fatin's answer and that the two of them seem to be stuck in an eye flirting session. Well done Jadmani!  
\- With that answer, and before things get out of hand I'm going to bed, Rachel yawns.  
\- Me too, say alltogether Nora, Martha and Shelby.  
\- What, already, but it's still early ! sighs Fatin.  
\- Seriously, I add. We could go to a nice club I know.  
\- Without me, I'm exhausted, said Martha.  
\- It's not really my thing, Nora replies.  
\- I want to get up early and go for a run tomorrow, says Rachel.  
\- Maybe some other time, says Shelby.  
\- I'll follow you! As always. Are you coming, Leah?  
\- Yeah, why not, Dot, you're coming with us.  
\- I don't know about that.  
\- Believe me, there won't be too many of us three to keep an eye on Toni, exclaimed Fatin.  
\- Ah, ah, very funny. It's more that I'm going to need help making sure Fatin doesn't jump on Leah in the middle of the dance floor.  
\- Ok, you've convinced me, let's get changed and meet downstairs in 10 minutes?  
\- 10 minutes???!! At least 30! then says Fatin, visibly outraged before rushing off to her room.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the new chapter! I hope it will be liked by as many of you as possible. It's the time for some revelations about Shelby...  
> Feel free to tell me what you think about it.  
> Enjoy

## Shelby’s PoV

I've been turning over and over for several hours now, trying to finally manage to get some sleep, but to no avail. I am still too overwhelmed by tonight's events to fall asleep. And very clearly particularly because of the body shot. Maybe I shouldn't have agreed to take part in that dare. But the thing is, I've been dying to do it. It was almost vital for me to feel Toni's body and especially her lips on me after all this time. It's stupid especially because if I hadn't made that stupid decision to leave her without even a glance a few months ago I would still have had the chance to... Fuck I blame myself so bad for that... I don't think I've ever been so stupid in my life. I told myself that this was the only way I could get my life back to the way it was. As if I really missed that life of lies and pressure. And in the end it served me so well... Today Toni hates me, and I can't blame her, I feel the same way about myself, my family and some of my friends have also rejected me, I find myself alone, lost and not knowing what to do with my life anymore. I really messed up this time...I can't hold back the tears that run down my cheeks any longer. Suddenly I hear the front door open and a few bursts of laughter. After a few moments I hear Fatin and Leah whispering in front of the bedroom door :   
\- Hummm... I'm tired, but I really don't regret having accepted Toni's proposal to go dancing, says Leah.  
\- Yes, me too, especially as I love dancing with you! I've really missed it since you were last here. Even though it was a real test for me to see all the eyes on you while we were dancing...  
\- Pfff...whatever, it's you that everyone was looking at.  
\- No, and I only have eyes for you.   
\- Fatin you're defintely such a panty dropper.  
\- Not so much obviously, from what I see yours are still firmly on place...  
\- Nice try, and may I remind you that you have committed to Shelby that your room remains a sex "protected" area.  
\- Not false, but I clearly did not promise anything about the adjacent bathroom. And after all our wild swaying of the hips I clearly need a good shower. And I need someone to help me scrub all parts of my body, if you know what I mean.  
\- Nope Miss Jadmani, no funny business for you tonight. And you might consider a cold shower, Leah says before languidly kissing Fatin. I can even hear them banging on the bedroom door.   
\- I hate you so much right now.   
\- Yeah, but you don't though.   
\- I'm so in need of a very very cold shower right now. Go before I'll try to make you change your mind. Say Fatin before kissing Leah one last time. Sweet dreams babe, she finally says.  
Then I can hear Fatin discreetly entering our room, undressing herself to her underwear before going into the bathroom. While she is in the shower I let my sobs explode. I guess witnessing how happy she and Leah are together has a complicated effect on my own emotions and remorse. I'm so lost in my sinister thoughts that I didn't notice that Fatin came out of the bathroom and had time to put on her pyjamas.   
\- Oh shit Shelbs, what the hell is wrong with you.   
\- It's nothing, forget it, you must be exhausted.   
\- The shower did me good.   
\- Even though it was freezing cold?  
\- Shit, did you hear everything?  
\- Yes. And let me tell you that the sex ban also applies to the bathroom!  
\- Damn, you're such a cockbloack! No, but seriously, Shelby, what is going on with you right now?  
\- I'm not really in the mood these days.   
\- To say the least.  
\- How was the end of the evening?   
\- Extremely nice and particularly hot!   
\- Was it? I'm quite worried about the idea that Toni might have met someone again.   
\- Of course! We're talking about Leah, Dot, Toni and me! The atmosphere could only be explosive. Plus Toni took us to a great gay club, it was a paradise full of plenty sexy girls!   
\- Hum...hum...I see.   
\- Each one sexier than the other...  
\- Ah well...and ...well...is that...  
\- Fuck sake Shelby you should see your face right now, I'm fucking with you! Toni hasn't met anyone, she danced with Dot, while I was busy taking care of Leah...if you know what I mean.  
I let out a quiet sigh of relief.  
\- If you're so worried about her being able to meet new people, the easiest thing would have been to stay with her, you know?  
\- I know, but things have been and defo still are complicated.  
\- And did that at least make you happy?   
\- How could I be happy knowing what I've lost...  
\- I must confess that I can't really understand why you did this...  
\- The more it goes the more I'm in the same situation. It's just that I knew I wouldn't have the strength to fight against my whole family and community, I was going to lose them for sure if I decided to out myself and I couldn't bring myself to do it, and I was also going to lose Toni by constantly hurting her. I couldn't bring myself to do that.  
\- So you must still be a little happy that you were able to keep your family...I guess.  
\- If only, I said, bursting into tears. I've fucked everything up Fatin...  
She then takes me in her arms and gently rocks me for a few minutes. When my sobs calm down she asks me gently:   
\- What do you mean?  
\- I tried Fatin, I tried so hard to forget what we had been through, what I felt, who I really was, I tried everything I swear I tried but I couldn't. It made me completely crazy. How could I have forgotten the one thing that made me vibrate and allowed me to breathe and not really sink. So I told myself that if I started dating again it would help me to fight against my deepest desires. Boys I mean...  
\- Oh fuck Shelbs, there's nothing wrong with feeling what you felt... We are in 2021 for fuck sake!  
\- Except that I've always lived thinking it was the worst thing in the world...that's all I've ever been told.  
\- Yeah, okay, I can understand that. But when you're with her, do you feel like what you're doing is wrong?   
\- No, of course not. Quite the opposite, it's the only time I can really be me.  
\- That's all that should be taken into consideration then!   
\- Probably. But it doesn't matter anymore.  
\- It does matter. Toni can be stupid and stubborn, and I know that it really made her suffer, but I am sure she will find the strength to forgive you.  
\- But I can't forgive myself. I couldn't forget what I did to her and especially now with what is happening to me...  
\- What do you mean by that?  
\- I...I don't know if I can talk to you about it. I ... Fatin, I need you to promise me to keep it a secret, you can't tell anyone, not Toni, not even Leah. I'm begging you.  
\- Of course Shelby. But I really think it will do you good to talk about what is making you feel this way.  
I take a deep breath. It's not going to be easy, but Fatin is right. I think that if I keep it all to myself it's going to kill me from the inside out.  
\- As I told you, I've tried to have more conservative relationships. But I didn't want to go out with boys from my community, I was afraid that if one day I cracked somehow it would come back to my parents' ears. So I started going to student parties and meeting people there. Every time it didn't really work, I couldn't feel anything.   
\- No wonder...  
\- So I said to myself that if I stopped thinking it might help me to feel better.  
\- Shit...Shelby...no...you can't think like that.   
\- Yes, I know that now, but at the time I really thought it was the right thing to do. Anyway, I started to drink more and more and one thing led to another and I ended up making it through, well physically I mean, with a boy.   
\- Yes, I had understood. And then you went out together?  
\- No, not at all. I barely know his first name... fuck... I became a...  
\- No! I forbid you to finish that sentence! You had a one-night stand experience, it doesn't define you at all! And anyway, Toni will be able to...  
\- No, you don't understand...  
\- But what more is there to understand?  
\- I am pregnant Fatin.   
\- What? But how?  
\- Seriously?   
\- No, obviously I know how it works. But I mean... shit... you sleep with a guy once and bim you end up bein' pregnant, you have to admit you're out of luck on this one!  
\- Thanks for your support.  
\- No, shit, that's not what I meant.  
\- I know what you meant.   
\- Wait, you said I'm pregnant, you meant I got pregnant, like in the past tense, right?  
\- No, I didn't mean...  
\- Shit...I understand better why you kept drinking soft drinks and vomiting!   
\- Yes.  
\- Who else knows about it?   
\- Just my parents and just a couple of my friends back home.  
\- Gee, that can't have been an easy conversation to have...  
\- Not exactly no.  
Just remembering what happened I burst into tears again and my whole body starts shaking. Suddenly I feel nausea coming on. I rush to the bathroom.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy friday everyone. it is almost the weekend, I can't wait for it!!!   
> Here is the new chapter. It is still about Shelby revelation...  
> It's a pretty dark one. But I'm a happy romantic one in the end so it will get better at some point, I promise.   
> I hope you will like it.   
> Enjoy

## Fatin’s PoV

I am still in shock at Shelby's revelations. The poor thing I understand better why she is under such pressure at the moment. I rush to her side in the bathroom and hold her hair while she vomits. I also gently run my hand behind her back to try to soothe her. After a few moments she seems to get better.  
\- Shelby...about the baby...do you know... I mean...  
\- I don't know anything about anything at the moment to be totally honest Fatin. I don't even know where I'm going to live anymore so...  
\- What??!! What do you mean ???!!  
\- When I announced it to my parents things didn't really go well.   
\- What do you mean ?   
\- My mother didn't really react, she just stay there silent, not even looking at me anymore. But my dad, after telling me how disappointed he was with me, and how I was a ... well anyway... He then told me that everything had to be kept secret, that nobody should ever know what had happened and that he was going to take care of everything.   
\- I'm not sure I really understand.   
\- He was going to make sure I had an abortion, away from our home and community. I was really shocked, so I didn't even react. But the next day, when I had come to my senses I went to see him to tell him that I didn't know what I wanted to do yet. And then he told me that it wasn't my decision anymore, that it was unacceptable to him and our family and that I had to have an abortion. Pretty astonishing for someone who has always preached against abortion in our congregation. When I told him that I didn't agree and wanted to think about it, he told me that if I didn't follow his decision he would put me out on the street with nothing and I would never see my family again. So I told him that ... well, that it was unfair and that I was going to need them to help me. He then told me that I was no longer his daughter anyway as long as I had this "abomination" in me.  
\- What a fucking bastard!  
\- And he started getting angry and telling me that if this was the way it was he wasn't even going to give me a choice. He started to get more rough and threatening and then he gave several blows in the direction of my belly...Fatin I was so scared for the baby...I don't....  
\- He did not succeed in...  
\- No, I don't think so...  
\- You haven't gone to see a doctor after that?  
\- No, I didn't really dare to do it back home. My father is a very well known figure there. I was afraid that he would know where I was and that he would find me that way. I haven't had any bleeding after or since then and I still feel nauseous so I think that everything is far. Fuck, I didn't even think much about it at the moment, I'm such a fucking mess.  
\- Ok, so tomorrow we'll make an appointment for you to see a specialist to see if everything is ok. No worries Shelby you were in shock, it's a natural reaction.   
\- Yes, you are right. How could I not have thought about it...  
\- It's not your fault! If you agree we can go and see my gynaecologist, she is very delicate, professional and defo non judgmental.  
\- Yes, ok.   
I'm so fuckin' pissed off right now, all I want to do is scream or get up and bang on a wall or a mirror. How in this day and age people can still react like that! It's more than shameful! But I try to stay as calm as possible. It is obvious that Shelby is still in shock about what happened and she clearly doesn't need to be confronted with a violent situation, even if it is not directed at her.   
\- What a son of a bitch! Seriously Shelby, I think I could kill him with my bare hands! Indeed Toni must never find out, otherwise she will definitely go and kill the bastard for sure.   
Well I tried to stay as calm as possible for Shelby's sake, but it was a bit too difficult. How could he dare to raise his hand on a girl, his own daughter, who is pregnant ! This man is a monster!   
\- I ran away. And since then I've been managing as best I can, sleeping at friends' houses or, at worst, in my car. It's only been a week...but I still don't know how I'm going to manage afterwards and I...I was even scared to book an hotel or a place to stay with my credit card by fear of them finding out...I still don't really know what I want to do with the baby, whether I want to have an abortion, an adoption or whether I want to keep it, I don't know Fatin...  
\- Hey, you don't have to decide anything tonight Shelby. And whatever decision you make, it has to be yours and nobody else's! As far as your parents are concerned, you dont't need to have regrets, they clearly don't deserve you, their reaction to what you're living right now is wrong on so many levels, and the brainwashing they've been doing to you since you were born is also wicked. You have to live for yourself Shelby and for no one else, not for them, not for your community, not for society, not even for the one person you'll love!  
\- When I think that I made my decision the day we returned to the US to ensure that I wouldn't lose my family, and here I am today, I have nothing left, no Toni, no family, no home, not even my own belongings... a real fucking success. How the fuck could I be so stupid!  
\- Hey, stop it! You've made one little mistake, that doesn't justify what this scumbag tried to do to you! And it's not true you don't have anything anymore. I'm here and so are the girls. And as for the roof, don't worry, you're going to stay here with me until you figure something else.   
\- I can't accept that. It's too much, Fatin, I'm going to find a place to live with the money from the lawsuit.   
\- Yes, I know that. But in the meantime you're going to stay here, not because I'm giving you charity, but because you need someone to support you. While I have no idea how you might feel about your father and your family in general, I've been there, Shelby, and I know how upsetting that kind of situation can be.   
\- Are you saying that you too have been pregnant before?  
\- Yes, I was barely 16 years old. I was so young. I didn't dare to tell anyone, I did it all by myself, the research on abortion procedures, and then the act itself. And if I had to do it all over again I would tell someone, because going through it alone was such a hard and traumatic ordeal. I won't let you go through this alone We have to stick together us island bitches! And I want you to take the time to make your decision, without having to worry about anything else. Is that OK with you?   
\- Yes. Thank you very much Fatin, but I'm not sure I'll ever be able to thank you enough.  
\- Don't worry, if you take time to think about yourself and find the real Shelby you will repay me enough. Are you feeling better or do you have to throw up again?  
\- I'm feeling better. I'm sorry for putting you through this.   
\- Ok then first mission for you, I want you to stop apologizing!   
\- I'll try, but I'm so used to having to apologize for everything...  
\- Exactly! Well, are you ready to go back to bed?  
\- Yes, I'm exhausted.   
I help Shelby up and we slowly make our way back to bed. As soon as we are under the duvet I feel Shelby coming closer to me.   
\- I am flattered, but you are not really my type and also I'm freshly and hapilly taken.   
\- Ah, ah surprisingly, you prefer brunettes, intellectuals, fans of literature?  
\- Oh yes! You can't imagine how much. Seriously, I can't believe it myself. Since she came into my life it's almost as if I had been blindsidded or the rest of the world had become invisible.   
\- Good, because Leah is more of the jealous type.   
\- Don't fucking talk to me about it! She doesn't really have anything to worry about, though.   
\- Good, because she's really great and you guys are so happy together. Hang on to her, it's a chance to find such happiness.  
I then hold her close to me, before putting a tender kiss on the top of her head and putting my arms around her body.   
\- You too will find this peace and happiness, I am sure of it. At least that's what you deserve and what I wish for.   
\- Thank you.   
\- You weren't to far away from that blissfull feeling tonight from what I could read on your face at the time of the body shot.   
\- Oh, believe me, I was anything but peaceful at that moment.   
\- Yeah, pretty excited and probably very wet I figure.  
\- Oh, Fatin shut up please, why are you always so crude!  
\- But yet so very true.  
\- Maybe...maybe not.  
\- Please, considering how you still got the hots for that girl, and how hormonal you probably are right now...  
\- Fatin, really?  
\- Too soon to laugh about it?  
\- Yep, a bit too soon.   
\- If it makes you feel any better, just know that you weren't the only one who was excited about it.   
\- Fatin, you're always pretty horny, so don't take it the wrong way, but it isn't surprising.   
\- I'm not talking about me, silly. I mean I was, but that's not the point I'm talking about Toni. She clearly didn't remain indifferent to this dare.   
\- You think so? It's not that important anyway...  
\- Oh believe me I know.  
\- Yes, with vodka it's no surprise neither.   
\- I knew it, you chose this alcohol on purpose.   
\- Maybe...maybe not.  
\- Well done, Goodkind. Good night, you need some sleep.   
\- And you need your beauty sleep.   
\- I don't need that, I'm a natural baby!


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello
> 
> Here come the latest chapter. It is mainly centered around Fatin and Shelby, because I love this friendship duo and I hope we will get more of them (in my fic for sure but in the next season as well).   
> I hope you'll like it. Tell me what you think of it. Enjoy and see you tomorrow I guess

## The next morning – Shelby’s PoV

I am surprised to wake up alone. If there's one thing I remember for sure about Fatin after spending all that time with her on the island, it's that she's definitely not a morning person. I suddenly feel another episode of nausea coming on. So I rush to the bathroom. Yurk, I always hated vomiting. Least you can say is that I'm served these last days. I hope this sickness is a sign that everything is fine with the baby. Ever since Fatin asked me if I'd been to the doctor I can't help but worry about the baby and also blame myself. I'm relieved that Fatin decided to help me see a gynaecologist to find out what's really going on. Once the vomiting has stopped, I position myself in profile in front of the bathroom mirror and lift my top. I gently run my hand over my stomach. I haven't really done that before...I guess that I'm slowly starting to realise that I really am pregnant. At the moment it's not obvious that I'm pregnant, it's far too early, but recently I've started to feel different in my mind and in my body. I can't help but smile as I run my hand over my belly, then I whisper, "I know I haven't really been able to take good care of you yet, but I'll make sure that you're okay. I'm really sorry...for everything...I'll try to be better and to take better care of you from now on". I lower my top and head for the kitchen.   
When I get to the kitchen, I see that Fatin is all alone. It looks like a real explosion has taken place in the room. It's a complete battlefield. I walk quietly to try not to be spotted by her. I am fascinated by the spectacle unfolding before my eyes and I just hope I can enjoy it as much as possible before she notices my presence. I can't help but smile when I see that Fatin has cut up a multitude of strawberries, bananas, blueberries, oranges and mangoes to make a giant jar of smoothie. A bottle of almond milk has obviously been spilled on the counter. There are some bits of smoothie spilled on the cupboards and on the countertop. Fatin obviously forgot to put the lid on the blender. Happy by Pharell Williams comes out of the speaker and she is shaking her head while dancing and trying to stir what looks like pancake batter. Fatin's ipad is also propped on the countertop playing a pancake making tutorial. Fatin is definitely a thoughtful girlfriend! I don't have time to hide myself when Fatin turns around in what looks like a victory dance:  
-I fucking aced you god damn pancakes batter ! You've been owned by Fatin Jadmani.  
Then she sees me and then immediatly looks embarrassed. I can't help but burst out laughing. Especially since she has flour, and I think even a little bit of egg, all over her forehead and hair.  
\- Not a fucking word Goodkind! Got it!  
\- I'm not really in a position to speak at the moment...I'm still in shock.  
\- Shut up!  
\- Ah, ah. What's with the cooking frenzy?  
\- Why do you care, shouldn't you have your head in the toilet rather than watching me? Did you get tired of contemplating my toilet bowl? I hope you're planning to clean it, because it's gross and I'm not going anywhere near it!  
\- And she's back on full on bitting mode.   
\- Yeah, sorry, I don't really like to be laugh at.  
\- Dully noted. Also, as far as vomiting goes, been there done that already this morning, and I have to say that I enjoy this little show way more!  
\- Fuck you! That'll teach me to try to be a good person. Karma my ass ! Also, I got you an appointment later on. I'll drive you, we will just go while going to do the grocery shopping.   
-Thanks a lot. Do you...I mean...maybe...if it's ok...  
\- I can go with you if you want.   
-Yeah, thanks. And don't worry I'm sure Leah will be impressed by your cooking skills and very gentle attention, even if she doesn't get to see your dance performance...what a shame though, that's definetly an added bonus.  
\- It wasn't just for her... Fatin murmured.  
\- Sorry I didn't catch that one...  
\- I also wanted to make you a well-balanced and nutricious breakfast, you know full of vitamins and green shits like that...  
\- Oh Fatin! I walk over to her and give her a hug. You shouldn't have gone to so much trouble, really.  
\- Well, if it means I get a few points with Leah at the same time, that's clearly a plus.  
\- Waking up to find you in your pyjamas, a rather sexy one I must admit, preparing a huge breakfast, yes, it's clearly worth at least 100 points. But finding you in the arms of a blonde, well, you can defo do better about that, I don't know if I've made myself clear or not, but I don't share, says Leah, smiling.  
Fatin and I both jump when we hear Leah. She bursts out laughing at our reactions and probably also at Fatin's appearance. I then walk away, seeing that Leah is walking towards Fatin. Leah runs her finger down Fatin's cheek, where there is a bit of pancake batter, she then brings her finger to her lips and tastes the mixture.  
-Mmm, excellent!   
\- Thank you, I tried to follow the instructions steps by steps.  
-I don't doubt it for a second, but I wasn't talking about your recipe, she says before kissing Fatin fully this time.   
Suddenly, we hear the oven ringing.  
-Perfect, the blueberry muffins are ready! I hope I didn't fuck them up!  
-Oh, there are blueberry muffins too, I smile.  
\- Goodkind, shut up!  
-I love blueberries.   
\- I know, I remembered said Fatin, blushing.  
\- Fatin, you know what, you should go take a shower while Shelby and I set the table and finish the pancakes.   
\- Um, um, but I might need some help in the shower to get all those stuff out of my hair.  
\- Jadmani what did I say about the bathroom! I then threaten her with a wooden spoon.   
Leah bursts out laughing, and so does Fatin. Then Fatin heads for the stairs leading to our room.  
\- If someone had told me one day that I would see Fatin getting up early and making breakfast I would not have believed a word of it. You are very lucky Leah.   
\- Believe me I know! I can't believe it either. Ever since things got official between the two of us I've been pinching myself to make sure it's not a dream.  
\- I understand.  
\- And how are you feeling this morning?  
\- I'm okay.   
\- Really? Despite last night's party? she asks me delicately.   
\- Yes, maybe more like okish. But I must confess that if I could have done without it I might have preferred to do so.   
\- Even the body shot? she says with a wink.  
\- It wasn't the worst part of my evening, surprisingly.   
\- Yeah I can only imagine. From the outside it seems pretty hot and quiet a bit intense as well.  
\- Yup, it definetly was.   
\- You should have come with us to dance afterwards, maybe see where it could lead...   
\- No I don't think that would have been a good idea last night, especially after that body shot. And it's not like if there is even a chance of anything happening between us anymore. Enough about that, from what Fatin tells me you had a good time last night. That's the most important thing.   
\- For what it worse, Toni didn't do any flirting at te club last night, which is rather unsettling for her at the moment, and she seemed to be quite troubled by your exchange.   
\- I wouldn't have blamed her if she had hooked up or even brought someone here. She has every right to do so and she deserves to be happy, really happy for once.   
\- I do! May I remind you that I share a bed with her.   
\- Ah, ah, yes I forgot. I just wanted to say that I hope she finds someone who is good enough for her, who allows her to settle down and move on, really. I just want her to get better.  
\- I know you do. But do you ever think that maybe...  
\- No, Leah. Don't go there. I'm not that person, not anymore, and I'm pretty sure that I never was intended to be that person for her, I say sadly.   
\- That's what you think, but let me doubtfull about it, really. Anyway, I hope you both find a way to finally be fully happy. You deserve it too, both of you.  
Leah then takes me in her arms. During this hug I notice Toni at the bottom of the stairs staring at us. I don't know how long she's been there, or what she's heard of our conversation. I can't decipher the emotions on her face neither. I guess the distance I've established between us is the reason most of the time now I have no idea what she thought or is about to say or do.   
\- Are you making breakfast? Toni asks as she moves closer to us.   
\- Yes, well we're just handling the final arrangements, Fatin did all the work, says Leah rather proudly.   
\- Jadmani? asks Toni, clearly taken aback.  
\- You know a lot of others Fatin, I say with a smile on my face.  
\- Nope, and I'm glad I don't! But seriously, she is the one that did all of that? I've never had such preferential treatment all the times I've spent the night here. If I had known that by kissing her and rubbing myself against her in a club I could have been treated to a champion breakfast in the morning, I would have given it everything I had!  
\- In your dreams Shalifoe, I only do this for those who are worth it. And if I wanted to take a move with you, I know not so much efforts are needed! From what I've witnessed, a simple you're up, or even a wink, a smill or just a look is enough to get in your pants, or more accuratly to make sure you get in someone pants.   
\- Pot meet kettle... immediatly says Toni.  
\- Not anymore T., not anymore, says Fatin, kissing Leah gently, who lets out a slight moan.  
\- Seriously, girls, the tongue soup free show has to start so soon on the morning, can't we get a free pass or something when we literally just woke up! giggles Dot as she enters the kitchen.   
\- I'm the chef this morning, and I'll put whatever I want on the menu! Understand??!!! Well, what are the others doing, I'm hungry. Let's eat, damn it!!! yells Fatin.   
\- And the devil is back with us, laughs Toni.


End file.
